Firstborn

As you may know, Claire-Adele has gone to college. So far, so good as far as I can tell. Not much news is good news, etc.

There have been many changes since she's left, big and small, but for me, the biggest revelation is how much time I get to spend with my second born, which is a good thing. Claire-Adele got me to herself for the first three years of her life. Now, the Boy gets me for his last three years of high school.

In the modern, American world, most people have one, two or three kids. Outside of blended families, no one I know has five or six kids. Or more! (When people tell me they have seven kids, my first thought is "remarried.") With three or more kids, there middle kids. In a two kid family (and heir and a spare), someone is first and someone is last.

I was the firstborn in my family, as was Jack. With Claire-Adele, we have three firstborns in the same family, which means our family is a little bit more than intense. Claire-Adele called last weekend asking if she could apply for a trip abroad over the month-long winter quarter.* With the intensity of our response, you'd think she was asking for ten million dollars of venture capital funding instead of a few grand to go to South Africa for the winter. Does every family have this level of scrutiny?  I told my friend Jen about this, and she said it was perfectly normal to grill your kid about things they want, and she has an only child. Do parents with ten kids give up and give their kids whatever they want out of fatigue, or do the kids not ask because the parents don't have the bandwidth and/or money?

I digress.

I'm learning that absence is a thing. Claire-Adele's absence fills our house. She has an absence, too, of home and friends, but instead of a hole, Claire-Adele has to figure out how she fits into her new world. When I was growing up, I had friends move and I moved myself. I heard then and believe now that in most cases, the absence is harder for whoever is left behind.

I think about how much Claire-Adele's departure has had on me, but I wonder what it is like for the Boy. Since the end of August, the Boy is effectively an only/solo child while he is in High School, something Jack nor I ever experienced. We were never the left behind kid as we were the first to go. We can relate to Claire-Adele being a pioneer, but not so much what the Boy is going through. I wonder what he thinks about it now that his space is different, too. Does he like all of the attention from us, or is it too much? Does he now feel like the oldest since he's the only? Is it better to have the focused attention of mom and dad in high school, or when you are a baby?


* Eh. UMD is on the semester system, and there is this funky six week winter break which includes Christmas and New Year. UMD has a four week "quarter" or "eighth" or something where kids can take one intense class or do something fun, like study abroad or get a cool internship. Or, they could work or they could sit on their butt and look at the internet.**

** Says a blogger.