The Apprentice: Frank Capra or Double-Down

When I was in high school, my friend Heather and I watched Frank Capra's It's a Wonderful Life on VHS. I was (and am) a huge Jimmy Stewart fan. When I found the tape for $4.00 at Kmart, I bought it. It is a fairly long movie, and Heather and I gave up when George was staggering through the snow, lost and suicidal.

Not only does this movie suck, I thought, but the title is so, so wrong.

The next morning, my mom asked what I thought and I told her we didn't finish it because it was too depressing.

She was surprised. "You need to see the end," she said.

So I did and then I was like "Ohhh. Now I understand  the fuss."

The weekend, I watched The Apprentice, a bio-pic about the current president. I watched it in bits and pieces. For the first half, I really felt sorry for Donald growing up with demeaning father who constantly belittled his son. I felt bad for Donald as he was encased by Roy Cohn and his manipulative and cheating methods. 

When I was two-thirds through the movie, I was feeling hopeful, waiting for Frank Capra to take over. Maybe Donald would see the error of his ways, repent and reform. Maybe he would realize that he didn't need to be the king of the world, that he could just be a good husband and father and a successful businessman who cared about New York City. He wanted to take a shitty, run down hotel and make into something special. What is wrong with that? Nothing, really.

Instead of playing fair, he doubled-down on the anger and the diet pills and the manipulation and the lying and the cheating. The strangest and sadness part of the movie is when he turned on his friend, Roy Cohn, playing Roy at his own game. I was reminded of the movie War Games. The game they were playing is one that you really can't win in the long run, but yet he continues to double-down on the same strategy. So far, he's on top, having won consecutive coin tosses. How long can this luck last?

The laws of probability suggest that this can't last much longer, but thing with probability is that the improbable can happen. Is he "winning" this game because he is so bold and brazen that people are in shock, that they don't know how to deal with the devil? Imagine a flock of defenseless bunnies never having seen a real predator, and here comes the coyote, ready to dive in for a snack. As a group, bunnies are fast, but individually is it easy to pick them off one at a time until the group is depleted.

How would Frank Capra end this movie? What is the script? What is the path forward?

Damn you, Wirecutter!

damn you

Wirecutter

making me

buy shit

I

don't 

need.

you sneak

in my email

whispering

everyday

"this is the best"

of

whatever and whatnot

and I

believe you.

Do I need

12

light blue

water glasses?

I'll

find out

tomorrow.

Ode to the Missing Piece

Dear piece

I cannot find you.

Are you lost

in the carpet?

Under the couch?

Did the dog hide

you away?

Are you stuck

on a sweater

that went through the wash?

I am filled with 

sorrow and sadness.

Where are you?

You should have 

a number seven

on your face, 

but I can't find it.

My dad tells me

"The piece is there

but you are convinced 

it is gone

until the end."

I hope he is right.

I stress

and

I worry

of your whereabouts.

Dear piece

please

be found.

Suspended

I try to be a good citizen.

So imagine my dismay-nay, shock! when the Seattle Public Library (SPL) temporarily suspended my card.

A few weeks ago, my improv group was practicing at the Magnolia SPL branch, when I happened upon some "must reads" on the Peak Picks shelf. For those of you who don't know, Peak Picks is a stack of the most popular new releases that you can check out for two weeks with no wait, but you can't renew them. I picked up the latest Matt Haig book, The Life Impossible. I loved The Midnight Library, and was looking forward to this one. I didn't finish it in two weeks, so I kept it. I am trying not to buy (as many) books because I don't have room for many more. I prefer reading paper books over e-readers, unless it is a thriller or shlockly mystery.

When I didn't return the book, I figured I'd just pay the fines, no problem. This, of course, is not in the spirit of Peak Picks. I should have returned it.

Then the books were due, I'd get my daily email from SPL telling me I was a deadbeat. Fine. Let me finish the book. 

Then I thought about the Bureaucracy. Does the Bureaucracy care that I don't return the book on time? No. The nameless, faceless Bureaucracy doesn't care. I know people might be waiting, but I'm not going to keep it forever. 

Then the emails got grouchier! "Your account will be suspended," SPL told me last week.

Damn, SPL. I haven't had the books that long. 

Today, my account was suspended. I felt like such a jerk for not returning my books in a timely fashion. It is easier to avoid the shame of the anonymous SPL emails by buying books instead.

After work today, I went to the Central Library, tail between my legs, and returned my overdue books. I handed them directly to a librarian so my account could be restored. 

"Oh that happens to me all the time and I work here!" she said. Instead of shame, I was greeted like a sister. "Of course you should keep books past the due date! You are a reader, for god's sake!"

I told her I would settle my fines. I've paid so many library fines in my life that SPL should name a branch after me.

"We stopped fines five years ago," she said. "Now we just suspend people's accounts instead." I just figured my fines hadn't hit a max level where I needed to pay up.

So this is the new game. Instead of fines, I'll just get suspended. 

Sounds like a bargain.

Home on the Range and Knowledge Gap

When I was early in my “career” years ago, the partner I worked for at EY in the Human Resources Consulting group told me the secret to success.

“Specialize,” he said. “Become an expert in a field. You will always be in demand.”

I had just left a job in strategic marketing consulting—my first job out of college—and was now starting a new job as a compensation consultant. I smiled and thanked him for the advice, all the while thinking I’d die if I had to do the same thing over and over, forever and ever.

I lasted in that role for two years when I decided to go to graduate school in a field completely unrelated to what I studied in college and very different from my consulting job. A year later, I had a new job in organizational change management. Thank god I had something new to learn.

Years later, I read “Range” by David Epstein about how generalists survive in a specialized world. I saw myself in this book, and understood that I was “normal” to want to mix it up and try different things.

I think of this now as I am seven months into a new job as an application Product Owner. The job has been kicking my butt, but I am doing okay. Some people suffer from imposter syndrome when they are in a new role and feel over their heads. I don’t. I feel the struggle is the price of admission. There is a sweet spot between struggling and boredom, and I am trying to work my way to the middle.

Last week, I saw a TikTok from Standford on learning. The professor was addressing freshmen, showing the gap being unknowing and knowing, and how the path isn’t linear. In fact, it is a messy, scribbly line that loops all over the place. Tolerance for struggling is what helps us persevere to get from one point to another. 

As a free range generalist, I understand the concept but it doesn’t make it easier as I am adapting to a new role. I love that I am a ranger, someone who hasn’t been doing the same thing for decades.

I need to learn to love the rest of it, the hard parts that Epstein doesn’t discuss— the uncomfortable transitions between new roles, and what that looks like when we are waiting for the next idea or thing to arrive.