Fireball, or What do I Tell My Kid?

Dear Richard Sherman,

As you are well aware, you made the last minute game saving play on Sunday.  It was a remarkable feat.  As you also know, your post-playoff game remarks have been heard around the world.

"I'm the best corner[back] in the game. When you try me with a sorry receiver like Crabtree, that's the result you going to get."
--Richard Sherman  

Your words showed raw emotion and likely reflected the intensity of the moment. You also have worked on a Master's degree from Stanford in Communication, so you likely know a lot about how words create images and influence perceptions.  In the game of "There is no such thing as bad publicity," you have won.

My question to you is:  How do I explain what you said after the game to my son?  My ten year old son is a fireball.  He is a kind, sweet boy, except when he's not.  At times, he has an intensity that matches the fire of a thousand white hot burning suns.  We are trying to teach him to use his powers for good and not evil.  At times, it is a hard battle to help him contain his energy from overflowing and hurting others in his path, whether through words or deeds.

Like you, my son is a defensive player.  He is more motivated by his desire not to lose than his desire to win.  If he thinks his team isn't working hard enough, he has been known to tell them, often in a loud, non-gentle manner using the word "suck."

You are a role model.  The boy wears a Seahawks jersey every other day to school.  (He'd wear it everyday except his father and I insist on washing it.)  I am torn what to tell him.  On the one hand, you made a brilliant play because of your hard work, dedication and passion.

Talent+hard work+dedication+Passion = greatness

(Talent+hard work+dedication+Passion)^intensity = awesomeness

As I am well aware from having an intense son, it is very hard for someone to turn off the fire hose in the middle of an intense event.  The game clock has run out, but the adrenaline keeps flowing.  What you said on the sidelines after the game wasn't anything different than I've heard my son say on the way home from a game or practice in the car.  The difference is he says these things with the doors shut where his teammates and opponents can't hear him decompress, both after a win and after a loss.  After a loss, he is hardest on himself.  You have probably said these things thousands of times in private.  This time it was in front of a microphone when you had the first words after the game.

So I am conflicted.  We have been trying so hard to help him contain his intensity, to keep it from hurting others. Michael Crabtree is a professional and puts himself in the spotlight like any other professional athlete.  But what if those arrows hurt another child?  Or what if my son is on the receiving end of those remarks?  Is it okay to let our emotions pour out and flow freely, like lava down a volcano?

The next day, you said,

Don't judge a person's character by what they do between the lines. Judge a man by what he does off the field, what he does for his community, what he does for his family.

That is fine and good, except people do judge people by what they do between the lines.  This is especially true for children.  For many kids, the world is not a forgiving place.  They make mistakes and they are in detention, suspended or kicked out of school.  The stakes can be high.  For someone at the top of the game, we grant more leeway.  What about everyone else?

Or do we need to all loosen up?  Honor the power of our feelings and allow for forgiveness?  Can we really believe that actions do speak louder than words?  That we can speak the truth, even if it means saying we are better than everyone else or calling other people out on their poor behavior?  Do we really need to be polite all of the time?  Is there a time and place for being outspoken?  Should we look to Alice Roosevelt Longworth, and her famous words:  "If you can't say something good about someone, sit right here by me."

I am reminded of Ambrose Bierce's quote, "Speak when you are angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret."  Should we say that even grown-ups who are professional athletes get carried away by the moment?  That sometimes people don't pause before they speak, and what comes to the heart goes straight to the mouth, bypassing the brain?  We are animals, not machines.  We have emotions and thoughts and energy, and sometimes they all come out.

Sincerely,
Lauren