It started Tuesday night at dinner. I was watching CNN at a pizza place and Claire-Adele was facing the other direction. They were flipping back and forth between stories about the Thai boys in the cave and the Mexican immigrants separated from their parents. I saw the rooms where they were detaining children, and I got a little emotional.
Eleanor glanced over her shoulder at the television. "What's the matter?" she asked.
"I'm watching those kids on television," I said.
She looked puzzled. "Mom, they are fine. They are safe and it's going to be okay."
Now it was my turned to look puzzled. "Those Mexican kids are taken from their parents."
"Oh," said said. "I thought you were talking about the Thai kids."
On the other side of the earth, 2,000 people from thirty countries conducted a military operation to get twelve kids out of a cave while we 'Muricans are keeping kids apart from their parents on purpose. This was not a good emotional starting point for the next two days.
Unlike the detained immigrant children, Claire-Adele and I stayed in a pretty posh hotel and we swam after dinner. I got a brochure about the spa and planned to swim Thursday morning and get a massage while Claire-Adele was continuing her orientation activities. I would be on my own Wednesday night as she would be staying in a dorm with a bunch of other freshmen.
The next morning, the two of us headed off to the Alumni Center for orientation. I wasn't really thrilled about this whole thing. The university wanted me to come along instead of flying Claire-Adele out there by herself. Why did I have to go? I was happy to support Claire-Adele, but she would have been fien without me. And I've been to college already. I know the drill. But whatever. I took three days of vacation from work to go to this thing.
Claire-Adele and I sat together while a majority of the other kids grouped up with friends from their high schools. Claire-Adele blanched at the stat that 81% of the kids from her program are from Maryland. She overheard a girl say she was rooming with her best friend from high school and she didn't want to make any new friends. Twenty minutes later, a girl across the room waved at Claire-Adele. My daughter perked up in recognition--it was someone she from her online chat group. Another boy waved at the two girls. He was in the chat group, too. She relaxed.
They had the parents and students together for the first hour, and then they carted the kids off.
Here are my bullet point observations:
- The guys were pretty short. I don't know why I noticed that, but I did.
- The campus has shuttle buses. When I went to college, we didn't have shuttle buses. We had to walk. Wimps.
- I saw a sign that said "C's get degrees but A's get paid." I need to share that with the Boy.
- One of the people at orientation said "Y'all" ten times in three minutes. Welcome to a Border state.
- Being from Seattle is exotic to people on the East Coast. And I have no idea about the local gossip, like who are the major donors to the University. (Hint: The dude that started Under Armour.)
I only started to cry twice. I can't remember when. Was it when they were talking about the different between your life's work and your job? About how to cope with anxiety by thinking "WAIF" -- what am I feeling? and knowing that whatever it is will pass.
I also almost fell asleep a few times as about six parents asked in six ways how their student could double major.
I am trying to figure out why this was so emotionally taxing. I think it was because there was a high volume of information so I had to concentrate and this same information reinforced the point: this is real. My kid is leaving.
And I have to admit this, too--I am a little sad Claire-Adele isn't going to my alma mater. I can't be pissed at NU because she didn't even apply. I am even sad she isn't going to UW. While the Maryland campus is certainly lovely with all of its red brick Colonial buildings, NU is special and UW is gorgeous. UMD doesn't have a college town next to it even. But this isn't my college experience. It is Claire-Adele's.
I am not sure sure how I feel about this yet. It is still unreal. I still feel like a parent, especially with the Boy around. I have one friend who cried and cried at the thought of her son going across the state, and I could feel her pain. I had another friend, a dad who I've seen at every Roosevelt Band Concert for the past four years say, "I know this might sound bad and I love my kids... (multiple caveats, blah, blah, blah), but I can really see myself enjoying being an empty-nester."
I think I swing between the two--where I am is not static. Which made it all the better that I took the evening off to hang out with my old Chicago friend Kendra. We met for dinner at the Kennedy Center and then went to Hamilton. We stayed up until three a.m. talking. Hanging with my friend was a coccoon in an otherwise emotionally raw time. It was like sitting in a hot tub after a long day of skiing or hiking. Sure the skiing and hiking is good and fun, but it is awesome to seriously chill afterwards. This was my chill. It washed away the emotional residue and reminded me of me before I had kids. I had a life before kids--I will have a life after.
Somewhere along the way I learned Jack signed me up for the student-led campus walking tour that started at 9:00 a.m. Thursday. So much for spending the morning sleeping, swimming and spa-ing. I was kind of gagging at the idea of the tour. When I got there, there were a dozen other parents. They were all really nice, but nice in way that I know I will never see them again.
Most all, the kids who led the tour were really exceptional. One of the kids is a government and politics major, like Claire-Adele will be. I asked him about his interests--he wants to manage the messaging for candidates and elected officials--and I told him how I ran for School Board and I worked with a campaign strategist and manager. His eyes lit up. Suddenly, I wasn't just a mom on a tour, but a regular person to this kid. Another girl and I talked about "Parks and Rec." Another guy was there, just hanging out and having fun.
And then I felt for the first time that this was all going to be okay. I know NU and I know UW, so they feel safe and familiar. I don't know much about Maryland--I am taking it on faith. Talking with the kids at lunch made it familiar, they made it safe.
After lunch, I ran into a mom from the tour in the campus bookstore. We were each we looking at t-shirts. The tour was over--we didn't have to be nice to each other, but we talked for about ten minutes.
Was this more for me than Claire-Adele? Perhaps. Claire-Adele is going to be in good hands, as are the kids of the other parents I met. Claire-Adele is going to be okay, and so will I.
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