- Good sleep habits
- Healthy eating (making sure he didn't get hangry)
- Socialization, friendship and fun
- Sense of accomplishment
- Exercise and being outdoors
As he is gone, I am trying to keep these in my mind. I have been trying to be socialable everyday outside of work, and so far, it seems to be helping me keep my sanity. I can't say that I am not a total mess, but I am keeping it together, or at least faking it.
First off, I want to say I have the most brilliant friends on the planet.
I talked to several friends this weekend who have offered me some good advice: One of my friends this weekend said not to think about Jack or Peter, but to use this time to take care of myself. Lean on friends. Go to the spa.
I like spas, and I'll have to book an appointment, but I love office supplies. I am an office supply junkie. I bought a new printer, toner, notepads and mini-binder clips. I was proud of my restraint that I did not buy more pens or pencils because I already have a thousand.
I saw my friend Carrie this weekend. When I told her about the Boy, she told me her oldest son had a similar struggle with school avoidance in high school. This is the "Keeper of Secret Sorrows" effect -- when you quietly and sincerely confide in people and tell them the worst shit about your life, they in return feel safe confiding in you and tell you the worst shit about their lives. It doesn't always work, but it happens more often than not.
My other friend Patti said that I need to look at the Boy as the person he is without the illness.
"The illness is a blocker of whom he is to become," she said. "You need to look at who he is without the illness."
She said it far more eloquently than that, but it was great advice. I thought this also applied to my other friends with mental health issues. Look beyond the illness and see who they are as a person. Are they kind? Self-aware? Thoughtful? Smart? Curious? Funny? Creative?
"Remember that is who the Boy is," she said.
My friend Leslie reminded me that not only is the Boy safe, but Jack and I are also both safe in our respective corners where we each can quietly heal.
Speaking of separate residences, I have a funny story -- I went out Friday night after work and slept in on Saturday morning. Around 9:30 a.m., I was in bed half asleep and half reading when someone knocked on the door. Fox started to bark. I figured it could be one of three things: a neighbor, the building manager or Jack. The joy of a condo downtown is that no random person from outside can knock on my door. They can call me from the outside intercom, but that is about it. I went down, and it was Jack with croissants and a mocha for me from Bakery Nouveau. Except he was really grouchy. His body language said "Here is your fucking croissant."
"Why are you here and why are you so grouchy?" I asked.
"I texted you I was coming," he said.
"I didn't check my phone yet this morning," I said.
"I should have gotten you just a crossiant and no mocha so I could have dropped it off on the front porch of the condo."
I am really confused. And groggy.
"I'll leave now," he said. I felt bad so I invited him in. I finally figured out why he was grouchy. I invited Jack upstairs to eat breakfast on the balcony. He seemed to chill when he learned that Ryan Gosling was not hiding in my closet as a overnight guest.
Seriously. What the fuck?
"I am happy to talk to you about the Boy, but I need some advanced warning," I said. "I might not be ready to talk if you just show up. Maybe let's make schedule time to talk in person, like I do with all of my other friends." He seemed to think that was reasonable. We reached an agreement that if we are going to show up at the other person's place we need to get a response back that it is okay we show up before gate crashing the other place.
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