Why hasn't Noom taught me how to deal with the fact that in two months I've lost eight pounds which is super cool but also kind of depressing because I still have forty-two pounds to go? (Maybe that will be tomorrow's lesson.) Friday I was so excited and happy then yesterday I caught my reflection in a street window and I thought "Holy cow I still look pudgy." How can I have patience for the long haul?
This reminded me of back in the days when I had credit card debt. In my early twenties, I lived in Lincoln Park in Chicago, which is a very cool and expensive place to live. I was carrying $2000 on my Visa. I'd add some charges every month, and pay some off, but the balance was always about $2K. My dad, an accountant, wouldn't judge me or anything about it, but he would drop subtle hints that giving my hard earned money on interest was a waste. Finally, I realized my dad was right and I paid it off.
That is the simple and short version of the story.
How did my credit card bill get out of control in the first place? I wasn't tracking my spending. The first December after I graduated from college, I went Christmas shopping with my friend H. We were in downtown Chicago and I spend $50 here, $60 there, and so on. I remember we went to the Chop House for dinner and had steak, potatoes and creamed spinach. It was divine. Was it worth the $45 I spent at the time? Yes because I remember that meal and that day all of these years later.
In January, I got my credit card bill for $750, which at the time was a lot and I couldn't afford to pay it off. I was shocked--How did I spend all of that money? I only spent $50...fifteen times. My gut got in the game and said this is not cool.
How did I pay off this debt:
- I became aware of how much I was spending by tracking all of my credit card purchases in a spreadsheet and compared how much I was spending relative to my monthly income.
- When I saw how much I was spending, I made better choices and spent less. If I was going to enter it into my spreadsheet, it had better be worth it.
- I used the money I saved to pay off the credit card debt.
- Every time I came into a small wad of cash (like a tax refund or birthday money), I dumped it towards the debt.
That is the practical way I paid it off. Spiritually, it was a lot harder. How did I tame those gremlins in my mind that wanted to buy fancy shoes? How did I stop the tug-of-war between my head that knew I needed to pay off the debt and my heart that wanted cool stuff and nights out on the town? I needed to convince my heart, my head and my gut that I needed to not spend as much money. Enter self-awareness.
Was I aware that I was self-aware at that point? No. This is me looking back through the retroscope. But I was aligned. My brain knew maintaining a credit card balance was a dumb idea, but self-discipline will only get you so far before your heart starts to object. Once my heart agreed that I needed to reign in my spending, the rest came into place.
How do you convince your heart? Or your partner?
When Jack and I first got married, he had a large amount of credit card debt. He had just finished medical school and residency, and was in his fellowship. While he was paid in residency and fellowship, he was making less than he was spending. His student loans from medical school were due, and all of his non-medical friends had "real jobs" with some discretionary funds.
I was able to convince myself to stop spending money, but how to convince Jack?
Spreadsheets, baby. Spreadsheets.
My dad taught me how to use spreadsheets when I was in college because he thought they were cool. Back then, only accountants and engineers used spreadsheets. Now, they are ubiquitous. I created a spreadsheet for Jack of how much credit card debt he had, how much interest he was paying each month and the interest rate per card. Then I did a running total of the interest.
There was no shame, no blame, no calling him a stupid fool for spending money. It was just a spreadsheet that showed how much he spent and how much he owed.
"Oh my god this is terrible!" he said. He wasn't arguing with me or against me. He was looking at the data. Why do you think the entire business world wants to move to "data-driven solutions?" Data has no feelings. (Shock was a useful tool, though, I have to admit.)
And so this spreadsheet became the credit card cruncher. Each month, I added rows until it was all paid off.
Back to my diet, which is a lot like debt. First I had to admit there was a problem. I was not happy I gained weight. Then I had to decide to do something about it. I wanted to stop gaining weight and lose weight, so I started a diet. Finally, I had to ride out the ups and downs of getting to my goal. There were times I paid off a decent amount of debt, only to still have a decent amount of debt left. There are times where I have lost eight pounds and still feel pudgy.
As Dory says, "Just keep swimming." Keeping going towards the goal. I was able to manage debt. I can lose fifty pounds.
Will fifty pounds make me magically happy and my life perfect and beautiful and wonderful?
No.
Will it make me less stressed and feel more energetic? I hope so.
The same goes with debt. When the debt was paid off, the psyche burden went away. I slept better and I felt better.
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