The Paradox of Motherhood

The Boy is leaving the nest today. We are flying him to college. Of course, this is sad for me. I've enjoyed having him around this summer. Having him in my day-to-day makes me realize how much I've missed these past two years when he was "sent away." Not my first choice, but necessary.

There is a Bible story about the wisdom of King Solomon, who served as a judge. (I learned this story--I'm not kidding--in kindergarten. It had a super big impression on me, but I might be fuzzy on the details. Anyhoo...) Two women went before King Solomon both claiming that they were the mother to the same child. Solomon had to determine who the real mother was, so he said he would cut the child in half and they could share.

One of the women screamed, "No! Don't! She can have the child." Solomon knew the real mother would rather see her child live away from her than die.

I can relate to the screaming mother.

Anyway, yesterday and this morning, Pedro been angsty and irritable. I was a little weepy about him leaving. He told Jack he didn't want me to be sad, which is fair. 

So then Pedro was upset and saying he didn't want to go to college. Here in enters the Paradox of Motherhood. Was I happy that he didn't want to go to college twelve hours before we were supposed to leave? 

No.

No.

Hell no.

No.

I internally panicked and freaked out.

"He's leaving tomorrow. Where he is going is yet to be determined," I thought. "If doesn't get on that plane to college town, I am packing up all of his shit and he can live with his dad."

Our flight to college town was delayed for more than twelve hours. Fortunately, we were able to go back to the condo and hang out. He apologized for being angsty, and I thanked him.

"Just because I am sad because you are leaving doesn't mean I want you to stay," I said. "I am happy to kick you out of the nest."

He laughed. Someday, when his kiddo goes off to school, maybe he will relate.