Perhaps you are lucky enough to have never received a dud gift from your beloved. I once got a bicycle seat for my birthday from my then boyfriend and now husband. We did a lot of cycling together and he thought it was great. I thought otherwise. I don't need jewelry or expensive gifts (see my post on "Pearls"), but I have limits, just like any woman.
Before I tell you my secret, I'll give you some history. Three years ago, I was busy doing all of the shopping for the kids, nieces, nephews, cousins, and family friends. The only person he has to buy a present for is me and his parents.* That year, I got a $25 iTunes gift card. Now, I love iTunes. I download music all of the time. Yet, this gift brought me to tears. It was worse than the bike seat. Why? Buying an iTunes gift car for your wife requires as much effort as buying a pack of gum at the grocery store checkout line. In fact, you can buy an iTunes gift card in the grocery store checkout line. In fact, the grocery store checkout line was exactly where my husband bought my gift that year. I have my low maintenance moments, but that was scraping the bottom of the barrel. If he wanted to get me a grocery store gift, how about an orchid from Trader Joe's? I love orchids, and they cost about $15.
"(sob sob sob)," I replied. (Translation: I bought gifts for everyone else, make cookies, sent Christmas cards, etc. and you brought me a gift card at QFC?)
"It was the kids' idea..." he said.
"(sob sob sob)," I replied. (Translation: Blame the kids? Not so fast. You still could have gotten me something in addition to an iTunes gift card.)
"I don't know what to get you..." he said.
"(sob sob sob)," I replied. (Translation: You've know me for more than 20 years. If I get a jury of my peers in a divorce case, you will be living out of a cardboard box.)
The following Christmas, we went to Maui. While expensive, it was cheaper than a divorce. In A Year of Magical Thinking, Joan Didion wrote a lovely piece about how she went to Hawaii with her husband when they were flat broke. This was her justification.
"Now everyone will be happy because we are in Maui," he said.
"(nom nom nom)," I happily replied, eating mango, some kind of fancy Hawaiian seafood and brown rice after snorkeling in the ocean looking at tropical fish all day, my soul and skin caressed by sun and saltwater.
So Maui was a little bit overkill for one bad Christmas, but I was fine with it. This year came around and I knew we were not going to Hawaii. Going to Hawaii is not practical for every Christmas, birthday, and anniversary. Nevertheless, I was hoping for something better than an iTunes gift card. As I was shopping and I found things that I would like, I took a picture of it with my phone and texted it to him with the name of the store. Supplement with a little bit of self-shopping for clothes to wrap and put under the tree, and viola! Merry Christmas!
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| This was a great gift -- a cookbook about fancy teacakes and cookies. I wanted it because my daughter loves to bake and is really good at it. I guessed if she saw this, she would want to try the recipes. I was right! |
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I am still pretty low maintenance. I ask for books, candles, new dishtowels and postcards. Seriously, fancy new dishtowels made me happy. I need to re-read my "Pearls" post.
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| When taking a picture, give some context of where to find the item, such as "On the left side of the store near the back." |
* I don't get my mother- or father-in-law Christmas gifts. One year, I made ten recommendations, and my husband kaboshed them all. I gave up and put him in charge of their gifts. They haven't gotten anything since. He is setting a bad example for my kids. When you are grown up and have a good job, you should get your parents a nice gift. (I must admit I have been pretty slack here myself.)
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