My Left Quad

I was at the physical therapist this week, which in some ways is nice and others a fresh slice of hell.  First, the hell part. Monday, I met with the PT tech. Before I even got to the bench, she was commenting on how I was walking as we were walking past a mirrored wall.

"Stop.  Your gait is wrong," Jane said.

What? My gait is wrong?

"You are walking on your toes.  You need to put your heel down first." My gait looked something like C3PO's, except with worse posture and a bent leg.

Hmmm.  I felt like a toddler, needing to relearn how to walk.  This sucks. I practiced walking. After a million years of ballet and jazz dance lessons, my parents would be proud.  I should have brought my tap shoes: Heel, toe. Heel, toe. Heel, toe.  It sounds like a combination. Shuffle, ball change.

I thought physical therapy would be like going to a trainer where I'd have a guided workout. No. Here I am measured and massaged and pushed.

"Let's go ride the bike," she said.  My brace was off, so I grabbed my crutches.

"No, you can walk over there," she said.

This was my worst nightmare--I feared they would make me walk unaided.  "Heel, toe, heel, toe, heel, toe.  Lift your knees. Keep your feet close together." Somehow, I managed to talk the 20 feet to the stationary bike.  "Let's walk some more." Oy, but I did it. As I got on the bike, she commented "Don't wiggle. Your core and hips are weak."  This woman made Miss Lenore, my childhood ballet teacher, sound like a cupcake. Point your toes, lift your chin, shoulders back. Smile! will forever been etched in my brain.

Before I got on the bike, she measured my extension and flexion.  When I got off the bike, she measured my extension and flexion.

My flexion is good, but my extension needs work.  Right now, I am walking with a bent leg, not a straight leg.  My biggest problem is that my quadriceps muscles aren't firing or sparking.  Jane massaged (read: kneaded) tendons around my knee. I did more leg lifts and got zapped by the Tens machine.  They put pads on my tight and send a mild electrical current through my leg to my thigh to flex. Lots of fun. (Not.) Now I feel like one of those guys who needs viagra or cialis--I have a part of my body that just doesn't work, no matter how hard I try to get it to move.

The funny thing is that in all of my life, many parts of my body have been flabby (arms, belly, butt), but not my thighs.  When I was a kid, I'd ride my bike almost every day. In my twenties, I rode centuries where I covered one hundred miles or more in a day. I went mountain biking with my friend Helen once on Angel Island. I could bike up hills where other people had to walk. At the end of ski season, my thighs are like rocks. Now, my left quadracep is useless. The goal is to get it back into shape, even if it means zapping it.

Today, I was talking to my physical therapist, Evan. I joked that it took two seconds to crash and now months and hours of work to recover.

"It's a great business model," he said. I stared at him blankly. He was right but...

"It's physical therapist humor," he said.

Aside from my inert left quad, PT isn't all bad. I am supposed to ride an exercise bike every day for 30 to 45 minutes to get my leg moving and to move the fluid out of the joint. Since I don't have an exercise bike at home, I head out the YMCA.  Gary my optomotrist said he doesn't like to ride stationary bikes. He thinks it is boring, and I agree. Given the choice between exercising inside or outside, I'll pick biking on the Burke Gilman Trail rather than have the very limited view of the houses across the street from the Y.  (Nothing against the Y -- it is great when it rainy and cold, and I love their yoga classes.)  Now, I don't mind the stationary bike so much as it is the most cardio work I can do.  Plus when I am on the stationary bike, I get to catch up on the latest celebrity news and fashion and dating tips!

Intellectual junk food reading while on the stationary bike.