I had an MRI earlier this week (which is kind of trippy, if you ask me. Lots of noise rhythmic noise in a quiet clean space is kind of weird.) I told the tech at the end of the MRI I was hoping for just a sprain and he said, "Yeah..." in the tone of "Good luck with that. Enjoy that little fantasy until the radiologist reads the images and sends you a report because your knee is really f---ed up."
I have a torn ACL, a mildly torn MCL and a possibly torn meniscus. Jack asked if I was hit by a linebacker instead of crashing on my skis. I talked to the sports medicine doc, and he said it was up to me if I wanted surgery or not. He recommended starting physical therapy, seeing how it goes, and then deciding. Some people are fine without an ACL -- others have their knee slip so often that it isn't functional. While I am happy to start therapy, I am leaning towards the surgery. It was nice to have an opinion that I could live without it.
Here is my dilemma -- I don't want to share this in Facebook and I don't know why. Maybe because FB is always so filled with happy crap or politics (at least with my "friends") that I don't know where this fits. Maybe I don't want to be a downer. I've written three posts, and then deleted them all. I don't know why I am so reluctant to share this. Maybe this injury is too complicated for me to spell out in just a few sentences. That I am doing reasonably fine, but I hate my stairs and I have a love hate relationship with my brace. That I find it strange that I have no pain, but when I walk without crutches, I get really tired. That I am feeling old but lucky enough that I have had an accident and not something internally or fatally wrong with me, like cancer or ulcerative colitis.
But I want to share. I want people to know. I want to talk about it. Maybe it is because FB has become so impersonal. Some people might say it always has been, or that it is not. When I first joined, I had a few friends who would post stuff about their personal lives, thoughts and observations. Now, most of my friends just repost articles, share pictures of their vacations or tell major life changes, like they got a new job, all of which is fine. But where does something in the middle fall? The personal challenges and struggles which aren't all good or all bad?
This blog is about the little and big thoughts that pop into my head. I once read that when Flannery O'Connor walked into a bookstore, she would want to edit her published works with a red pen. In the digital world, we have the luxury of tweaking things up after we've hit the publish button. I can be a perfectionist/procrastinator, where waiting for the ideal means little gets done. Here I will share what is not--and likely will never be--perfect.
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