Indoors and 3.5 Months

Walking Outside: Back and forth between home and U Village (1.6 miles) in 85 degree weather

Recumbent Bike Inside: 45 minutes

Today was a warm and beautiful day. Usually I do my cardio work in the morning and then do my isometric exercises in the evening. I was booked this morning meeting friends for coffee, which was good. When my day gets off to a busy start, it is hard to get motivated to exercise, especially when the weather is nice and I have to exercise indoors. Like most people in Seattle, when the weather is nice I want to be outside. While many Seattleites get outside in the drizzly weather to hike, bike or jog, the winter and fall are great times to catch up on reading, knitting, jigsaw puzzles, cleaning closets or binge watching Netflix. When the weather turns pleasant, boom--the entire town is on the Burke Gilman Trail. Except me. This kind of sucks. Usually spring and summer motivate me to exercise because I love being outside. Now exercise is not at the top of the list because I have to chose between Vitamin D and riding an elliptical at the gym. Sunshine wants to win.

I was meeting a friend for coffee this morning who had a partial tear in her ACL. It isn't a full tear, so she is on the fence as to whether or not to have surgery. She is going to physical therapy and doing her home exercises to strengthen her leg. She is going to give it a few months, see how she progresses, and then decide if she wants the surgical repair. While I am able to walk and generally move around better, I was bemoaning that I am not as far along as I'd like to be. My healing process hasn't been linear, and I feel like I am slightly sliding backwards. Let me rephrase--as I am reigniting my quad, my knee isn't too happy with this extended effort and it is swelling and getting stiff. My plum--the fluid filled bubble under my kneecap--has come back. It is not as bad as before, but it is there. I am sad about this because for a while, the plum was gone. My gait was almost normal. I was picking up my son from a band field trip and everyone asked about my knee, I am guessing because it was obvious by the way I walked. A few weeks ago, I felt guilty using my disabled parking pass. Now, I am back to being glad that I have it as I limp out of the grocery store.

"I thought I'd be better by now," I complained to Lynn. "I know this healing process is supposed to take nine moths, but I thought I'd be further along than I am."

"You thought you would be a three or four month-er," she said. "You thought this would be like school, playing the piano, or preparing for a marathon. When you work hard, follow the directions, and are committed to the process, you are supposed to do well. That is how most of life works, but it seems to not be holding true for recovering from surgery. You thought after three and a half months you'd be doing everything except doing running leaps down the street."

"Yes!" I said. "That is exactly right. I thought I would follow along, do my exercises every day, and then I would be doing most things except hopping on a pogo stick.

This thought was depressing. Even when I didn't want to work out or do my exercises, I did them anyway. I have been reasonably faithful, but lately I have been losing steam. I can see why people drop out of high school. At some point, why bother? Carl, my carpenter, tore his patellar tendon and was laid up for six months. He needed to get back into shape to work. He said he was religious about his physical therapy. I thought I would follow the same plan, even though I don't need my knees to pay my mortgage. I though it would be a little like old time religion--say your Hail Mary's, go to church on Sunday, follow the Ten Commandments and viola--entrance to Heaven! I thought physical therapy would be like that, but it isn't. I can see why people say Screw it, I am done.

But alack and alas, I didn't drop out of high school. I often stick with potentially losing battles perhaps longer than I should. In some cases, that persistence and tenacity has paid off and I've been able to turn those losing battles around. I can be stubborn.

Which I why after Jack, Claire Adele and I walked Fox all the way to U Village and back, I decided to go to the YMCA and do my cardio exercises. I really didn't want to go, but not going would be worse. As much as most of body hates my left knee, it knows it needs to get better. I can't give up, because the alternative doesn't get me where I need to be, even if what I need to do to get there is a slow and annoying slog.