Fear of "Calendaring"

My writing teacher Theo once had us write about what we didn't want to write about. She didn't mean write about boring things like emptying the dishwasher, but rather exploring those areas where we were afraid to go. Her idea was that the juiciest material lies in that dark, hidden spot. We like to keep it dark and hidden for a reason because it is ugly and we don't want to talk about it. Those ugly spiders, snakes, and rats of our consciousness are often our most complex and conflict-ridden thoughts, and therefore the most interesting.

I am looking for a job, and my biggest fear is when I "calendaring" listed as a job expectation. This doesn't mean manage your own calendar, but manage someone else's by booking appointments for them and arranging travel plans. This isn't project management work either, where the job requires setting the schedule for work to be done. The job might list a dozen cool things to do, but when I see "calendaring," I short-circuit. It screams to me "Whatever else we said about this job is irrelevant. We might ask you to create marketing materials or write communications or assist with this or that, but really, this job is an Admin position, which means you have no power or control over your destiny, we will pay you almost nothing, and there is no room for promotion." The job description doesn't say that, but my mind leaps and jumps to that conclusion.

Why does this freak me out so badly? When I started work a million years ago, admin positions were for women who didn't go to college. Or maybe they went to college for a year or two before they had kids. Admins I knew were forty years old or older. They were typing, answering phones, managing the boss's schedule and making his travel plans.

It wasn't that I didn't respect these women or the work they did. I did. I remember Joan who answered the phones at my first job and Anne who supported for the partner I worked for. Delores did our typing. Marilyn was the gatekeeper for the Managing Partner. (Marilyn was probably born in the same year as Marilyn Monroe--1926.) Marilyn printed out the partner's email for him and then replied on his behalf. I thought that was absurd until someone pointed out that Jack probably never learned to type, and probably never needed to until email came along. Jim, the partner I worked for, said being an admin was one of the most stressful jobs there was because they had no control over their work flow. I could see that.

I went to an elite college (as they define themselves) and I have an analytical background. I did all of that so I wouldn't have to be a secretary. One of the major points of going to college was to have the options after graduation and freedom to choose what I wanted to do. Many of the women who were admins when I started working were admins because that was all they were qualified to do. Likewise, options for women joining the workforce twenty or thirty years before I did were even more limited than in 1991. It was chicken and egg. With limited options, working women worked up to where they could go in the narrowly defined path that lay before them. Jack's Great Aunt Jean was an intelligent, hard-working woman who was secretary to the Secretary of the Navy during WWII, which was incredibly cool. But what could she have done if more options were available?

At the consulting firm I worked at in my twenties, I was one of two women on a team of nine. I was assigned a project where I had to meet with dozens of partners in the Chicago office. None of them were women. I remember meeting two or three Senior Managers who were women. There were plenty of women in the junior ranks, but they dropped out after having kids as the workload and culture were not family friendly.

I talked to a retired recruiter here in Seattle and I told her I didn't want to calendar, that I cringed when I saw that on a job description. When I ran for School Board, my campaign manager scheduled my meetings and events. I know it is shuffling a million moving parts.

The recruiter raised her perfectly tweezed eyebrows and said, "Perhaps you should learn calendaring." I nearly barfed. I told her other people used to manage my calendar. She was nonplussed. (So much for my chances landing a job at that organization...)
At first, I was too dumbfounded to be furious, which came later. Would she have told a man returning to work he wouldn't be allowed back into the professional ranks and that he'd have to be an admin or perform manual labor? I don't think so.
I know how to calendar. I manage a family calendar that has a husband who works nights and weekends, and I have middle school and high school aged kids who both play sports. I also know how to plan, schedule and manage projects, but that is different than making sure the conference room is booked for twelve people, and donuts and coffee will be delivered by 8:45. Which by the way, I know how to do. It is not that I am above doing what needs to be done. I am a PTA mom for crying out loud. All PTA roles have their own share of grunt work. I get it.

It is more than that--it is that my expectations of what I am capable of doing are so massively misaligned with what corporations think I can do. I am not sure where the attitude adjustment needs to take place--with me, with Corporate America or both. And I don't speak just for myself. I speak on behalf of millions of overeducated women who stayed home with kids. I also speak for millions of overeducated women who wanted to stay home with kids and didn't because they feared losing their place in line, and having to start back at the bottom.

I also speak for millions of undereducated and/or undervalued women in the workforce, like Jack's Aunt Jean, or Joan, Anne, and Marilyn. What might have they chosen to do if there were more opportunities for women when they entered the workforce?

Then I think about my marriage. When my husband and I met, he thought I would make more money than he would. What would happen to the balance of power if I took on an admin role? He works with highly educated women with specialized skills. How would I stack up next to them? He says it doesn't matter to him, but it matters to me.

I have other mom friends who are highly educated and take on these light admin jobs part-time precisely because they are easy. It gives them something to do during the day and brings in a little cash. They can leave work at work and come home and manage the carpool for their kids. Am I wrong about calendaring? Do these friends have the right plan?