Thursday, May 3, 2018

Cognitive Dissonance and the Other Side

Earlier this week, my past and present lives collided in an unexpected way.

Tuesday, I went to charity breakfast for Literacy Source, an organization that teaches adult immigrants and refugees to speak, read and write English so they may find gainful employment and fully engage in American society. Nancy Pearl, famous Seattle Librarian, Pulitzer Prize jurist for Fiction, and long-time supporter of Literacy Source, was the keynote speaker. She gave us her top picks for summer reading. (See below if you are curious.)

My attendance at these charity breakfasts, lunches and auctions has greatly diminished since my days as a stay-at-home mom, volunteer and community activist. Still, when my friend Barb invited me to this event, I said yes.

It was a year ago last week that I started training for my job. Since then, I've been buried in settling myself into my new roles of working mom and data analyst. I now have "colleagues" and "co-workers" instead of "friends," but really they not much different aside from gender. (Most of my stay-at-home mom friends started out as a volunteer colleague or someone I met through a non-profit.) After the initial phase of drinking out of a fire hose was over, work felt familiar, comfortable in fact. Why? Because I was returning to my past-past-life where I was in consulting and project management. Returning to work was like riding a bicycle...while simultaneously drinking from a fire hose.

Barb picked me up early Tuesday morning. I hadn't seen her in a while. She was one of a very early supporters of my campaign for school board. She is a perennial do-gooder with a massive heart and a fierce brain that wants to solve all of the inequities and injustices in the world. And she isn't smarmy or self-righteous. She is nice and she is kind, one of the kindest people I know.

"Tell me about your job," she asked, as have many other women I know.

I told her I was part of Apprenti, an organization that brings women, veterans and people of color into tech jobs. When I told her I finished my training and am in a data job, she looked confused, as have many other women I know.

"Wait," she said. "You are one of the people in the training?"

"Yes," I said.

"Oh, I thought you were running the program," she said as have many other women I know. "Tell me about your job search. You have such great experience. It must have been easy to find a job."

"Ummm, no," I said. "Finding paid employment after being a stay-at-home mom for seventeen years is a tale worthy of Tolkien." Like Bilbo Baggins, I was seriously kicked out of my comfort zone complete with second breakfasts and whatnot and thrown into a world of grand adventure where I was breathed on by Smaug, the evil tech recruiter who told me I should consider being an administrative assistant. Yeah. Would you say that to guy? No. (Sorry. In my rage when I look back at my job search, I am repeating an existing blog post. My bad.)

Barb, bless her heart, thought my job search entailed me looking up really cool jobs online, and then picking the best one.

Ha! I started a full-throtle bitch session on how hard it was to find a job. Poor Barb. I felt sorry for her having to listen to me rant.

I got back to the office from charity breakfast filled with gray haired middle-aged women. (Women who support refugees don't have time to dye their hair. C'mon! We have better things to do.) At work, I did work related stuff. Once in awhile, I'll check my personal email at work, and 95% I have nothing interesting or urgent. In my email, a friend invited me to a dress rehearsal of the Seattle Opera's Aida. I also had an email reminding me of a fundraiser for Maria Cantwell, the U.S. Senator from Washington. My arts and culture life collided with my political life.

Then, the greatest clash of all--I was invited to attend the Gala for the Apprenti program. As an apprentice. So I could sit with people and they could see the benefit of the program. I am used to being on the giving side of these things, not the receiving.

And yet. I replied to the invite, which the program director replied back: Do you want to bring your husband?

And let everyone see I am married to a doctor? Good god no. Why would anyone donate money to the cause that provides upper middle class white women the opportunity to return to the workforce in a professional position? When I told Jack I couldn't bring him, he said, "You don't think people will donate money to support ladies who lunch?"

I hope to god the dear, kind, true-blue believers at Apprenti do not ask me to give a speech. It would be the worse speech ever.

"I want to thank Apprenti for saving me from a life of volunteerism, benefit luncheons, and driving my kids places. Now that I have a real job, I can buy Prada shoes and not have to explain or discuss with my husband."

Or worse, "Hey all of you tech leaders! Without this program, I would not have been able to enter the workforce even though I have really cool work experiences and a top shelf education. Two of my college professors won Nobel Prizes in Economics. Two. You have a shortage of workers and I know of at least three women who are stay-at-home mom volunteer types who have MBA's from kickass colleges. I know an electrical engineer who is now a Zumba instructor! I know bankers and tech saleswomen and software people who are now yoga instructors! Maybe make your workplaces suck a little less--as in not make them white collar sweatshops--and have you HR people have a little decency to look outside of their little boxes and hire a former mom! Seriously. You are bringing this on yourselves. You are your own worst enemy. Hire more women, stop harassing the women you do have and pay them equitably." (mic drop.)

Yeah. Those speeches will get people to donate money.

Not.

So here I am, freaking out, reading my email at work instead of working. I have to decide between Aida and Maria Cantwell. Oh the conflicts I have in my ever-so-privileged and connected life! So I decide on Maria.

It was the best thing ever. It was a small group at a home on Capitol Hill. It was not unlike the dozens of fundraisers I did when I was running for school board where I'd talk to people at the party over hors d'oeuvres, give a little speech and answer questions. I was too fangirl, starstruck to talk to the Senator, but she talked to the group of less than thirty people.

How in the hell did I get invited to this event with this rarified air? It was unbelievable. The next morning, I woke up and remembered: when I ran for school board, I'd attend events of other politicians, and I'd make a contribution. I must have made twenty contributions to local political campaigns over the past two years. Why? Unfortunately, campaigns cost money and good people need strong campaigns to win. I know the game because I've been on the other side.

So that is the lesson for this week -- I've been on both sides of the same coin. I've been the donor, to causes and campaigns. And I've been a beneficiary of the largess of others, as a candidate and as an apprentice. It just so rare for me to be looking at both sides of this coin at the same time.


Nancy Pearl's Book List



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