Final Exam

Two years.

I hope I am ready to have Pedro home.

For the past two years, I have been in deep introspection, spending ten hours a week in therapy, recovery groups, or talking to Pedro on the phone. 

When we flew to Durango, Colorado two years ago to drop Pedro off at Wilderness, I didn't have any idea of where this would lead me. I have been on quite the journey. I feel like Bilbo Baggins, and now I am coming home from wrestling with the dragon. What have I been seeking?

Today, I finally got to the answer to two questions that have been driving my crazy, plaguing me since the Boy left for Wilderness. Today. Right under the wire.

What is the difference between ranting/raging and venting?

• Ranting or raging is when someone is displacing their emotions and taking their anger out on someone else. Denial of the feelings is a necessary component of ranting and raging.  
• Venting is when you are feeling your feelings, and letting them out is a safe place. There may be some denial is place, but the person who is venting is seeking to release pressure and to understand their feelings, not bury them or take them out on someone else. Venting this the ugly stage before curiosity and acceptance arrive.

This has been an epic dilemma for me for years and I finally figured it out.

Which directly leads me to my next question: What is the difference between enabling and empathy?

• Empathy is when we are listening to someone tell their truth, quietly and without interruption, saying "I hear you and I stand beside you as you go through this challenging time."
• Enabling happens when someone is displacing their emotions, and we let support them in their denial. Enabling is allowing people to not be accountable or responsible for their actions.

- Aho