Pedro is a skier. When he skis, he pushes his limits jumping over hills at high speed, hopefully to land safely on packed snow. It is beautiful and sublime to watch people jump on skis. It is also terrifying. One of Pedro's friends was skiing at Mt. Hood this summer and broke his leg. My motto to Pedro is "Ski so that you can ski another day." If he chickens out on a jump, that is fine with me. I trust that he and only he knows when he feels safe.
As everyone on Earth already knows, Simone Biles, the 24 year old GOAT of women's gymnastics, bailed on the Olympics. She was doing a vault when she got the "twisties," a gymnastics term for the mind losing track of the body in the middle of a complicated trick. She claims she was suffering from stress and wanted to protect her "mental health."
Why must we distinguish between "health" and "mental health"? Like it is okay to bail if you broke your leg but not okay if you broke the concentration and focus required to do the physically near impossible? As an athlete, Simone Biles isn't just a body. She has a mind, too. Her mind is just as--if not more--important than her arms and her legs.
This is a remarkable amount of self-care to be on one of the largest stages in the world and step back. As my mom used to quote some dead English guy (I'm too tired to google the exact quote), "Discretion is the better part of valor." Simone is the greatest in the world, but knowing when to stop allows her to vault another day. Simone used her discretion, and that took guts. Likewise, her discretion likely helped her to get so far in the first place.
I know millions of people are commenting on Simone, but how are those who are nearest and dearest to her supporting her? Her coaches, her teammates, her family, her friends? Her mom, her dad, her siblings, her grandma? Are they asking her WTF? Or, are they giving her a hug, telling her she has their love and support, no matter what, that they respect her right to take care of and protect herself.
I think of myself and the people I know. Am I as kind and gracious when people I know and love bow out, on smaller stages, on things that are moderately important but not epic? In the past few weeks, I have known a few people who have imploded, who said "I need to take a step away from my life right now." (I did it myself a few weeks ago.)
How do we hold these people when they break? Do we push them? Do we allow them to slide? Do we hold them? I'd like to imagine Simone's family, wrapping her in their arms, telling her they love her. I imagine that I would do the same. But would I? Have I in the past? Or, was I jerk who pushed my friends and family--mostly my kids--to do things they didn't want to do? There is encouraging. There is enabling. There is letting people have the right to listen to their own inner voice that tells them what they need to do to stay safe.
A friend of mine said she told her son, "I have faith that you can take care of yourself." I told my imploding friend "I am here if and when you need me. Let me know that you are safe, otherwise I will give you time to sort things out, to feel your feelings. It sit with those feelings, uninterrupted. I will welcome you back when you are ready.
"Remember I love you."
Thank you, Simone. You made me think how I treat myself and those I love when we need to step away. Thank you for teaching me to be kinder and gentler to myself and to those I love.
No comments:
Post a Comment