Teenage Rebellion and the MLC (Mid-Life Crisis)

Are mid-life crises necessary? Are they an unavoidable part of being an adult? I ask because I have a few friends going through their MLCs. Mine started five years ago, and I am still adjusting to living in the new normal as a result of the upheaval. It is interesting to watch others going through their MLC as mine is in the past. My life has taken a different direction going forward.

Yes, I think MLCs are a normal part of life, but the degree to which people are impacted may vary based on their circumstances. 

I was reading a book by Bruce Fisher on relationships and he describes the nature of teenage rebellions, which aren't much different than an MLC. I never realized this, but teenage rebellions are natural part of growing up. When I was a kid, teenage rebellion was looked at as a bad and dangerous phase, where kids could get carted off to prison for doing drugs. The teenage rebellion was to be avoided.

Fisher says teenage rebellion is simpler. When kids are little, they model or mirror themselves based on their parents. The teenage rebellion is the transition from the mirroring phase to having their own identity, where they reconcile what they have grown up with and what they want to become. I believe most painful teenage rebellions are in part because the parents don't want their kid to change. Parents like their little mini-me's, and then balk at their kid's transformation. 

Kids needs to transform. Fisher says in his book that kids who don't rebel will rebel later in life, and it might look like a meltdown in their marriage or professional life.

So what is the MLC? I've been reading a lot of Richard Rohr lately, and one of my favorite books is Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life. According to Rohr, the first half of life is often lived in the ego, and for good reason. We need to build our lives: our homes, our careers, our families and friend circles. Living in the ego like this only holds for so long before. If we stay in the ego, we end up constantly chasing the next big thing, the next rush, whether it is more vacation homes, more cars, more money, more promotions, faster race times. 

All of those are fine by themselves, but they won't fill our emotional and spiritual lives. If we look for these things to fill out lives, we will only become more miserable as we chase things that cannot make us at peace. Accomplishment only goes so far before we break.

Some people might not live so much in the ego, so their reckoning might be smaller or easier. For some people, it might be a big fall. Others might not fall at all, but double-down on their ego-boosting addictions, which will only prolong their misery. This doesn't mean we have to give up our lives, but rather our ego's attachment to it.

So to those friends who are struggling through the transition, I see you. Fall into it, don't fight it. The struggle is a beautiful and wonderful, and life is more peaceful and serene on the other side.