One day a few weeks ago, I was stressed. I talking to a friend and I said I was going to relax by balancing my checkbook. She laughed and said she imagined me sitting like Scrooge McDuck, counting my money.
I had to laugh because it is true. I don't I love money for money's sake like Scrooge, but I firmly believe in being a responsible steward. As my Uncle Bob said when I graduated from college, "Money doesn't come with instructions." I took the hint to learn about managing money, checking out dozens of books from the library on investing, and figuring out what made the most sense. Years and years ago when I was married to Jack, I asked him what he liked best about me. "Your ability to manage money."
I was like, "No, seriously. I am thinking something like kindness. Throw me a bone. This isn't a trick question."
He doubled-down. "I am serious," he said. "You are really good at managing money. You figured out how we could buy a house."
Emotional intelligence is not the poor guy's strong suit. Nevertheless, he had a point. I am good at managing money. I've helped more than one friend figure out their household budget and review their finances during their divorces. Maybe I'll keep the McDuck and drop the Scrooge.
Recently, an acquaintance and I were having a conversation when they asked me how I invested. Of course, I was excited to tell them all about the brilliance of dollar-cost averaging. They listened for a minute, told me the stock market was crap and offered me the "opportunity" to invest $50K in their house flipping business. Totally safe, 8% interest.
"Huh," I said. In my recent years of therapy, I have learned how to diminish my reactivity with curiosity. For example, instead of saying "What the fuck?!? Are you kidding?", I thoughtfully paused, curious.
This pause was mistaken as interest.
"Or you can invest $100k," they continued. "Lots of women do this with their retirement money."
"Huh," I said again. "I've got to run. Thanks!"
I don't recall Benjamin Graham, Jane Bryant Quinn or my personal favorite, Andrew Tobias, recommending investing Ponzi or pyramid schemes as a way to get rich.
(To be fair: I talked to my dad about this request for funds. He is a retired accountant who has detected white collar crime and fraud. My dad thinks this person asking me for money isn't a criminal mastermind, but rather someone to got caught up in someone else's scheme.)
After two days of thinking, "What the fuck was that about?" I started to think of something else: What would I do with a sizable chunk of money?
After my divorce, I did some major nesting with new furniture and some art work, plus lots of travel and time with family. What's next?
Sunday, I was at the Pacific Coast Co-op (PCC) grocery store, a bougie, organic place where I spent $400 on organic laundry soap, Cod Liver Oil (so I can live to be 101 like Eleanor Owen), and bamboo toilet paper from Canada, among other things.
When I got home, I freaked out about the crazy amount of money I spent on whatever and whatnot. I just bought a fancy e-bike, which is awesome and cool and will help me to get exercise and fresh air. Nevertheless, I was plagued: Why am I living such an indulgent life? I can justify and rationalize this all until I am purple, but I kept coming to the same question: What is wrong with me?
After my firstborn child died, I wanted to set up a scholarship in her name. This week, I've talked to my dad about it, and I've talked to a friend to make sure I wasn't crazy or being rash. I am thinking to start with $5,000 for tuition for a school year, plus an extra stipend for books and expenses, coming up to around $6,200 a school year. I'd pay the university or college directly for the student. All told, the monthly cost is slightly more than what I spent at the grocery store this weekend.
My new bike is fun, and I love my PCC organic turmeric gummies which reduce inflammation in my joints. These are good additions to my life, but a scholarship could potentially be life changing.
When I suggested the scholarship idea to my dad, he didn't hesitate with his endorsement. My friend gave me some suggestions for guard rails, and I am taking her recommendations.
Here goes, Ada J. Let's see what happens.
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