The Power of Nope

(Warning: Here come the post-Improv festival spam posts. In my defense, it was a rich weekend. So much of what I learned applies to all of life, not just to stepping on the stage to "make shit up.")

Patti Stiles talked to us yesterday about the power of "Nope." She had the group do a scene with a partner and one partner would continually ask their partner "What's next?" If the one partner liked the offer, they would act out the scene. If they didn't like the offer, then they would say, "Nope" in a sweet little voice with the tilt of the head. 

The idea is that it is okay to say "no" to our scene partner. She made it cutesy to differentiate the different types of no's. "Nope" means I still want to play versus a no that suggests "get me out of here."

Think of it when a friend asks you out to dinner. You might say no, that night doesn't work for me. Or no, I'd rather eat in. It means I still want to see you, but Tuesday doesn't work for me. Or I want to see you, but let's do something else instead.

I remember a date I had as a college freshman. This guy I was crushing on asked me to pumpkin carving party for Halloween. When I got to the party, and there were ten women, and about five guys. I was not thrilled with this ratio. The guy I liked ex-girlfriend was there in the middle of the living room holding court. My crush was in the kitchen, lowkey ignoring me, lowkey peaking out to check me out. At the end of the party, he walked me home. When we got to my dorm, he invited me to another party that night. I said "no" when I really meant "nope." What I really wanted to do was go make out in the basement. I was too chicken to be that forward and ask directly for what I wanted, especially after I was not tended to during the first party. He heard "no" and ignored me for four months. I couldn't figure out what happened.

Patti isn't always a big fan of "yes and." She thinks the only absolute in improv to take care of our scene partner. She thinks an improviser can refuse an offer if it doesn't delight them. We have a responsibility to ourselves to follow our heart and find what delights us. We can't do that without a few "nopes." 

Isn't this true of life, too? What can we do to take care of each other? We have to hope that our partners feel the same way. We also have a responsibility to them to know what we want, to know what delights us. We can use our "nopes" for good, not evil.