I've had a couple of rough weeks with work, Fox, my health, and relationships. All the cylinders in my engine were down. It was hard.
For the past six years, I focused on my spiritual and emotional growth as part of my effort to take care of my mental health. About a year ago, I started a new job. My focus of my spiritual growth decreased as I had to make time to adjust to my new role. And the new job was a struggle. There were some personality clashes that made learning my new role a challenge. Instead of doubling down my on my spiritual practice, I slowed down. I had thought I had a solid base of serenity. I wasn't wrong, but I didn't realize over time my sense of inner peace was wearing down, and imperceptibly becoming depleted.
Last week, my life had become unmanageable. It wasn't nearly as bad as the rock bottom that I hit in 2019, but the familiar feeling of dread was coming back. I realized I needed help. My spiritual practice discusses calling upon a higher power when we are struggling. We are supposed to turn our will and our lives over to care of a god of our understanding.
This is easier said than done.
This week, I realize I was turning my problems over to my near and dear friends instead of my higher power. As I discussed my problems over and over with my friends, I realized I wasn't feeling better. It isn't that my friends aren't good listeners or full of compassion and concern -- they are. It is wonderful to connect with them, but for some reason I wasn't feeling healed or at peace. I am a verbal processor, and while talking to my friends can help me clarify my thoughts and feelings, I still need to turn my problems over to my HP, and therein was my problem.
A dear friend of mine and I were discussing Maslow's hierarchy of needs today. At the bottom are physiological needs, like air, food, water and shelter. At the top is self-actualization and self-acceptance.
I think this needs to be changed. Inner peace needs to be the base, the center, the foundation of survival.
I have several friends right now who are struggling post-divorce. Some are struggling financially, trying to figure out their livelihood in middle age. Others are struggling in new relationships.
When I think of the opposite of self-actualization or inner peace, I think of anxiety or worry. I can't imagine 500 years ago a hunter in the forest, tracking a deer, being able to successfully hunt if he was spinning out or full of worry. The fisherman needs to stay calm. I see women knitting sweaters or scarves or mittens find themselves in a zen or mediative state as their needles click and the yarn floats through their fingers. Our sleep can be disrupted when our mind is chattering and whirring.
Inner peace is what allows survival. I think of Viktor Frankl who wrote of his life in a Nazi concentration camp in Man's Search for Meaning, and how his sense of inner peace helped him to survive horrific conditions.
Instead of a pyramid, I've created Lauren's Flower of Inner Peace. Inner peace is at the center, and everything else flows out from there.
Inner peace allows us to thrive, and thriving helps us survive. Pediatricians have a general bucket for infants who aren't growing or hitting their developmental milestones: failure to thrive. Even babies can experience inner peace and its absence. Abused children don't have it, and they are frightened for their survival, which makes it harder for them to thrive.
When I have inner peace:
- I am a better friend
- I am a better parent
- I am a better worker
- I think more clearly
- I can make better decisions
- I find clarity that eludes me when my mind spins
- I solutions to my problems find me
- I sleep better
- I eat better
- I seek exercise
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