Missing the Big E

I am having a hard time with Jack being gone overseas for an extended trip.  My daughter took a trip to Japan this summer, and asked me if I missed her during the trip.  I think she might have been worried that I was sitting around moping while she was gone like I am with Jack out of town.

No, Big E, I did not miss you while you were in Japan, at least not the same as I do your father.  I was glad you were gone, not for my sake, but for yours.  I was thrilled for you on your behalf, more than you knew.  I went on an overseas trip when I was in middle school and it was the best thing that ever happened to me.  You were annoyed every time I said, "When I went to France in middle school..."  Nevertheless, I was glad that I could give you your version of the same experience I had.  When your father, brother and I were out and someone would ask "Where's the Big E?" I was happy to talk about your trip.

Did I miss you?  When you were gone, I'd check Facebook and Instagram before I peed in the morning to see if there were pictures posted of your trip.  I would check several times a day to see if there was anything new.  I would think about what you were eating and if you liked the food.  I wondered how your home-stay was going.  Was I sad?  Not at all.

I knew you were gone, and I knew you would be coming home.  I knew you would change, and change for the better from the trip.  This is a trip you will remember for your entire life, and no one can ever take those memories and experiences away.  The trip was a gift from your father and I to you.  The biggest part of that gift was freedom, independence and trust.  We trusted that you could manage and take care of yourself almost 5,000 miles from home.  

With your father, I miss companionship.  While I enjoy your company, I know my goal is for you to someday lead an independent life.  With marriage, the goal is not independence, it is to grow together.