Now, I have become one of those people who writes down their workouts.
This is my running schedule for yesterday which was not March 7. (It was the top sheet of paper from a note pad.) I have a "Return to Running" program sheet given to me by my physical therapist. I am supposed to do a run/walk combination, where I gradually increase the amount I run. There is a fancy schedule for this -- I don't make it up as I go along. Yesterday, I was at the "run for two minutes eight times" phase. I am supposed to warm up for five minutes, run for two, walk for one, and do that four times, walk for another two minutes, repeat the two minute runs and one minute walks four times and have a five minute cool down.
Clear as a bell, right? You can see what I have to mark it out by minutes. It is hard to keep track of what I am supposed to be doing when, so I wrote it out and posted it on the treadmill. It worked.
I brought my headphones to the YMCA yesterday because this was going to be a longer run and I thought music might help to keep me going. When I got to the Y, there was a sign up saying the cardio machines with fancy screens are now connected to cable television and there was a list of channels. That's cool, I thought. Still, I was running right before lunch, and I figured there would be nothing on midday so I listened to my "Physical Therapy" music playlist. As I have mentioned before, watching television during the day makes me suicidal. I am not exaggerating by much. When Claire-Adele was born, I thought I'd pass time by watching television in the morning and afternoon. I would watch great stuff like Regis and Kathy Lee and reruns of The Nanny. Afterwards, I lost my reason to live. Even if I were running and getting endorphins, I thought it might not be a good idea to watch television. It is winter in Seattle, which is grim enough without adding other reasons for the Black Dog of Depression give me a visit.
At the end of my run, I was curious about the cable television. Comedy Central was on, and I figured at least there would be reruns of old comedy shows midday. How bad could it be?
South Park was on. I had never seen an episode before. I had heard it was a little crass, but I figured I was wearing headphones. How bad could it be? I was on a treadmill at the front of the cardio room. The stationary bikes are behind treadmills, and the step machines are behind those. Think of an orchestra or band seating arrangement: the flutes are in front of the clarinets who are in front of the brass section, and behind it all is percussion. I was in the flute position. Half of the people in the cardio room could see what was on my screen.
Maybe those of you have seen South Park know what is coming. I didn't. In the two minutes I watched, there was a cartoon depiction of role play sex where the dad is the UPS guy and the mom is in skimpy underwear. Most of this takes place in the dark, so the couple on the stationary bikes behind me probably couldn't see this. A little boy walks in, sees his mom with the "UPS Guy" and is traumatized. He can't speak, so he draws a picture of the scene with stick figures with very large and accurately drawn genitalia. I am sure the large penis was clearly visible to the folks on the elliptical machines and stationary bikes. You might think I am exaggerating, but I've spent a LOT of time of those bikes and I could see the treadmill screens. I turned off the show, and finished my cool down. I slunk away, not making eye contact with anyone in the cardio room.
That is my embarrassing story about watching cable television in the middle of the day. Nothing good comes of it.
I did have a good run, though, in spite of being mortified for watching a porn cartoon at the Y. Today I was at the grocery store and one of the songs on my "Physical Therapy" playlist and I was like Pavlov's dog. The bell rang and I was ready run.
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