I woke up this morning, and I thought I know why dual celebrity marriages so often fail. When a celebrity marries a non-celebrity, one person is the star and the other person is tending the home fires. It harder for two people to be the star.
Let's say our celebrity couple meets on a movie set. They are working together fifteen hours a day towards a common goal under challenging circumstances. They see each other before they have their make-up on, and they both understand the stress and joy of being in the spotlight and being in a competitive business.
In the other case, the non-star might appreciate the person for their non-star like qualities when everyone else loves them because they are a star. The non-star can tell the star unpleasant truths, and the star doesn't feel hurt or insulted. I think about the Boy and his Girlfriend. In this case, neither is a star. Last week, the Boy had texted me from his bedroom at 8:30 p.m. that he needed forty plastic forks for French class the next day. I went to his room where he was Facetiming with the Girlfriend. I told him he could go down to the pantry and look for forks.
"Nah," he said. "I don't really need to bring forks. It's not a big deal."
"You are so lazy," said the Girlfriend.
"I like you," I said to the Girlfriend. I wanted to say I'd send her a list of other things to tell the Boy to do: his homework, practice his bassoon, get ready for soccer practice in a timely manner without me riding his ass, make his own lunch, etc.
The Boy burst out laughing. If I called him lazy, it would have started a pissing contest between the two of us. The Girlfriend says it and she speaks the truth. The Girlfriend thinks the Boy is wonderful and amazing, but not so much so that she is blinded and can't call him on his bullshit. This is good. In mythology, the ugly goddess speaks the truth to the hero. With her hideousness, she has nothing to lose by saying what might get her shunned, because she is already shunned. The Girlfriend here knows she is safe enough not to be shunned for speaking the truth.
The stars might have all of this, and it might be fine. Until one of them needs to go to a movie set in Thailand and the other is on a movie set in Vancouver, B.C., or at home with a new baby. Maybe one of the stars skips a great role to follow the other star to Thailand. In all cases, it is hard to maintain a marriage when one person is absent. It is hard to see each other outside of the adrenaline filled movie set, to be at home with regular life. Bruce Springsteen in his memoir Born to Run talked about the depression he would experience when he was off tour. His wife was a member of his band. She knew the business and would travel with him.
The real crux for the star marriage is holding together a sense of belonging when one person is gone for three, six or nine months while making a movie. What happens to the person left at home, while Odysseus is off to sea? Penelope, his wife, stayed faithful for twenty years, putting 108 suitors on hold while she waited for Odysseus to return. A character from Greek mythology could pull that off; mere mortal women might bail, not being able to withstand the loneliness.
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