Tuesday, May 14, 2019

Think v Feel, and "Love Keeps Company with Reason"

I was reading the a review of the movie Long Shot in The New Yorker by someone whose name I forgot and I'm too lazy to walk from the couch to the dining room table to pick up the article and figure out who wrote it to give them appropriate credit for this quote: "Love keeps company with reason."

The idea is that Charlize Theron character who is powerful, smart and beautiful, would never have a lasting relationship with the lovable Seth Rogan character who is not powerful, smart or beautiful. The writer of the review compared this movie to one of my all-time favorites, Roman Holiday, with Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck. (Best cinematic kiss ever.) She is a European princess and he is an American journalist. It wasn't going to work. Today, Meghan Markle can marry a prince or a prince can marry Meghan Markle. Back in 1956, people followed rules.

I digress. "Love keeps company with reason," makes a decent amount of sense, but what happens when reason takes over and love gets squeezed out of the picture?

Jack and I separated a week ago. (Sorry Claire-Adele and everyone else who is learning about this via my blog). Recently, I made a big decision to change directions, to put a stop to something very toxic and re-evaluate my marriage. This, of course, involves me looking at my own bad habits and whatnot. After five days, Jack agreed we both needed a break. (The Boy said, "Your timing is highly inconvenient." Amazing. He could have hauled off and called me a bitch but no, he said something perfect. Who taught that kid English? Me?)

Previously, for months (years, probably) "love" was keeping company with "reason" in my love, but reason was running the show. "I can't leave because of my kids," was love keeping company with a different kind of love. "I can't leave because I'll eventually be broke," was reflecting the challenge of American marriages when a stay-at-home-mom's financial security becomes intertwined with her emotional life.

After years of thinking, "feeling" finally got to take center stage. And funny, Jack seems relieved too.

I am not sure how this is going to end. There is a tremendous amount of uncertainty about the future, but it feels okay for now.

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