It's Quiet Downtown

For those who have not memorized every lyric from Hamilton, "It's Quiet Uptown" is the song after Alexander Hamilton's son, Philip, dies. While the Boy is very far from dead, I feel like I am going to lose him when I send him off to treatment. Unlike Alexander Hamilton's son, my son will return to me at some point.

I've been living downtown by myself for more than a week. It has been quite the change and the change has been quiet. Less than a year ago, I was living with a busy and bustling family of four and now I am not. There was a beautiful article in The New York Times written by a high school student about her kitchen table and how over time it went from serving five people to two, and then of course she leaves for college and her grandfather is left alone. #relatable

A year ago, I was part of a family of four and now I am adjusting the quiet of living alone. I had the dog with me for the first week of the separation--I at least had another heartbeat in my living space and something welcomed me home at the end of the day. This week, I decided to give Fox back to the Boy, so he would have a heartbeat in the house when he is home alone all day. He needs the dog more than I do.

I am getting used to the quiet and solitude. I am not a fan of television, but I have music going in the background to replace what used to have been conversation. I've been having dinner by myself more frequently than I ever have before. I haven't been making too many plans as I have been quiet about the separation. Again, I am focusing on making sure the Boy is all right before I start telling people about my own personal drama.

City life is treating me well, too. Based on my own personal experience, I find it easier to make small talk with people in the city than in the suburbs. Baristas are chatty. Dog walkers say hello to other dog walkers. People in my condo building say hello. My dad came to town this week to hang out with the Boy. My father is staying with me in the condo, so I have someone to talk to.

Still, the quiet will come again. This has been a hard adjustment for me, as I like to think aloud, and not having a sounding board is hard. But I am figuring it out.