"Be Honest"

This is the most bullshit advice ever given.

Seriously.

I am in a bunch of crazy personal dilemmas and I asked a friend what I should do.

"Be honest," he said.

Seriously? What planet is he living on? Not earth because usually when I try being honest that is when things go sideways. Being honest means exposing myself to heartbreak or hurting someone else. I suppose being honest could lead to joy and happiness, but let's table that thought for now.

Let me dig way back into my past. I had a high school boyfriend who was a little crazy (a theme here with the male characters in my life, I know.) I told this boyfriend who was a little crazy that perhaps he should get some help, like see a therapist or a shrink, to help him deal with this legitimately difficult problem in his family life.

What do you think this eighteen year old boy said in response?

a) I am so glad you are looking out for me and have such deep concern about my personal wellbeing. You aren't trying to fix me, but nevertheless you are worried. Thank you! You are amazing.

or

b) I don't think we should see each other anymore.

Yeah. Honesty didn't work out well then, and it hasn't gotten much better. Honesty hurts, and who likes pain? I was honest with my high school boyfriend, he was hurt, and then he dumped me, which then hurt me. That was a lose-lose situation.

So now I am "an adult" and everyone else around me is "an adult," so it should all be good, right?

Nope. I told Jack he needed a therapist. While the Boy is in treatment, the parents are required to be in therapy, too. When I nudged Jack that he needed a therapist, he was resistant at first, second and third. After a while, I became a deranged lunatic, which is not my favorite state of being. That didn't work. Finally, "If you aren't going to see a therapist for me or yourself, see one for the Boy." That worked, but both Jack and I were traumatized by the experience. Jack and I were revisiting this later.

"It is as if we both are massively burned and we both need a hug, but it hurts too much to be touched," I said.

As my friend Betty would tell me, I need to switch the narrative. I need to rewrite the story so that honesty becomes a strong and positive thing in my life, even if in the short-term in causes me pain.

The problem is I don't know what I want. I am in a state of flux, so how can I magically expect everyone else in the world to be honest with me?