Talking to Strangers & Recovering Politician

I have some friends (who shall remain nameless) who think that I should dive into dating apps.

Hmmm.

I haven't been on the dating market since I was nineteen, and then my method for meeting guys was hanging out at fraternity parties. I can't go back to that method. Not gonna happen.

So dating apps. I know lots of people who find love and happiness on them. (Or, at least fun for a bit.) My current definition of a romantic relationship a best friend plus affection. It seems odd to look for a new bestie on an app.

The purpose of dating apps, however, is not to find a best friend.

"It is like a catalog of men," said one recently divorced friend. "See?" as she scrolled through Hinge.

Deep breath.

One of these days I might be ready for that, but not yet. 

That doesn't mean I am sitting home alone. I do have relationship goals, even if those goals are for myself with me.

1. Solidify my friend base with women. I don't want to get stuck with a guy who is meh just because I am lonely.
2. Practice talking to strangers.

That second goal is a new one. I view it as getting my skills up what whatever is in the next phase. Let's say I decide I am sick and tired of Seattle, and decide to pack it up and move. If I move to a new town, I'll have to make new friends. According to the book Platonic, making friends is a skill set that requires effort and initiation, like learning a new language, hobby, or a musical instrument. It isn't hard, but it requires thoughtfulness, attention, and practice.

I am learning to talk to strangers. It is easy to talk to old friends--they know all of the gory details of my life. If my life were a 800 page book, they are deep into page 457 and know all of the characters and the backstory. When I meet someone new, I don't need to start them on page one a la Charles Dickens' David Copperfield, Chapter 1: I am Born. So where do I start? How?

Likewise--and perhaps more importantly--how do I get to know them?

I am taking baby steps, and those baby steps are talking to strangers in general. When I go out to lunch at work, I am often eating alone because no one from my office comes in. There are nights when I don't want to cook, so I go out. Sometimes I'll get a table for one, and people watch (aka eavesdrop.) Most often, I'll sit at the counter where I have the opportunity to initiate a conversation, whether it is with a tourist or the waitstaff. I go to the London Plane enough for lunch, they recognize me. One day I had a crappy meeting right before lunch, and I was in a bad mood. The hostess recognized me enough to tell something was off. She asked how I was doing, which was nice. 

I am talking to people in my yoga class, my art class, and while dancing. I am meeting new women in my sewing group. All of these are practice, baby steps, into re-entering the world.

I wish I would have had this skill set, mindset and practice when I was running for School Board. I am a recovering politician--I can talk to people I don't know just fine, but I could be better. I want to be better.