Dancing & Beginner

I remember my first ballet class.

I was probably four years old, taking a class at the park district. Six little girls were in the class, all wearing leotards, tights and pigtails. We sat in a tight little circle, crossed legged with the teacher. Instead of doing barre work or pliés, we pretended we were little birds, getting ready for the day. We first brushed our teeth with imaginary toothbrushes, and then we ran in a circles around the nest. At the time, I didn't know that pretending to be a bird as a big part of ballet. (See: Swan Lake)  

It was wonderful and it was fun. It tapped some magical nerve in me that said this is what I love.

I hated swimming. I was terrible at soccer. I liked tennis, especially the very satisfying sound of the ball thunking against the strings of the racquet.

Dancing was different from other sports. At my age, there were no winners and no losers. It wasn't competitive, though later there would be auditions and the like.

So now, in middle age, I am back finding my groove in dancing. I've been Contra dancing several times, and next up in Country Line dancing and Two-Step. 

And I am back at beginner, and it sucks.

I am now in week five at Contra dancing. I've never done partnered dancing, so this is different than anything I've done before. I have to follow, which is much, much harder than it looks. I am used to being responsible for my own dancing, and now I need to let someone else take the lead. All of this means giving up control, letting things flow, taking what is given.

Now in modern times, I could learn to be the lead, and expect my partner to follow, but I don't think that would solve my problem. I am just going to have to be humble and learn.

I remember being on the drill team in high school. My freshman year was rocky on the team, for whatever reason. I was clumsy and clunky, even though I had been dancing since I was four. Maybe I was having a hard time with the new type of dance, the new routines. When I was a sophomore, overnight I became better. I remember the coach watching me during tryouts and asking what happened. They were shocked that I had improved so suddenly and so dramatically. I don't know what happened, what the transition or pivot point was. All if sudden movements made sense.

I think what happened was that I needed to "unlearn" my old dancing steps and learn the new stuff. All of my old assumptions were taking space in my brain, and I needed to make room for new rules.

I hope this new dancing clicks in my brain soon.