Benign

WARNING: This post contains TMI.

Benign.

What a bullshit adjective.

It means gentle and kind, mild and favorable, not not harmful or malignant. It sounds fun or good.

It's not.

So I have this "benign" dermoid cyst on my ovary as if "benign" is a good thing, a happy event. This cyst is bigger than my fist, bigger than my uterus, Of course, I am glad I don't have cancer or a tumor with its own blood supply, but I'd rather have no cyst, no need for surgery to get the damn thing removed. 

The cyst is 9x8x5 cm in size. (In inches, I think it is about 3.5 x 3 x 2.5.) I made a similar size object out of legos for comparison. Obviously, the cyst doesn't have sharp edges, but that is the approximate size. Dr. Who is there for comparison.

Dr. Who looks pissed. He's not happy about this cyst, either. It could be worse, right? Like the size of a grapefruit, or a cantaloup? No, I am not following that false logic. Let me have a few days to be sad and angry and pissed.

The doctor who called me last night (not to be confused with Dr. Who)  was straight and to the point. "You saw your chart, right?"

Yeah.

"You have a large cyst and it needs to be removed. It is benign..."

That is it. I appreciated her straightforwardness, her lack of bullshit. I get that this is benign, but root word of benign doesn't fit for a cyst. Benign implies something it an assets, a positive trait. No cyst is positive, and just because it isn't cancerous means that it is good. I want this thing out as soon as possible. I want it out now, please.

So what is this lump causing?

Constipation. It is squashing my colon, making it harder for me to poop. I used to think constipation was a character flaw, that people got it because they ate too much fried food and never heard of apples. I was judgmental that people couldn't manage their own diet. Ha! That was so mean.

Plus, I can't fully bend over to tie my shoes. I had thought it was a flexibility thing, so I kept going to yoga. Stretching is well and good, but I think this lump was causing me problems moving in certain ways.

That is enough for now. If you are super curious, you can google "dermoid cyst," but I wouldn't. It is gross.