Self Love and God, Failure and Enlightenment

I am taking an interesting online course called "Breathing Under Water" by Richard Rohr. He is a Franciscan priest who finds the similarities of 12 steps programs to the original intent of the gospels and the roots of Catholicism. It is fascinating. Here are some of my thoughts from what I am reading and learning.

Part of 12 step program is the "praying only for knowledge of [God's] will for us and the power to carry that out."

So how do we know what God's will for us is? How can we tell which of the many voices in our heads and hearts should we follow?

I was reading New Seeds of Contemplation by Thomas Merton, and in chapter 3, he writes:

"In all the situations of life the 'will of God' comes to us not merely as an external dictate of impersonal law, but above all as an interior invitation of personal love."

I never thought of it this way, but is self love equal to God, or knowing God equal to loving ourselves?

By self-love, I am not talking about the ego. The ego might need a new sports car to feel powerful and strong, or a bikini body to feel worthy or attractive.

What about failure? Are we learning from our failures, or are our failures an opportunity to exercise self-hatred? Hopefully, our failures are an opportunity for enlightenment and compassion. Can we maintain self-love even when we fall?

Can we have god without self-love? Good question. I suppose god can come first, and then self love will eventually follow.