NPC & Acceptance

I am a heartless, cranky old bat.

One of my twenty-something former co-workers got married this Sunday and I didn't want to go to the wedding.

I left Andy's team about five months ago for a new role in the same company. I moved from the second floor to the sixth. A week after I started my new role, Andy appeared at my new desk, wedding invitation in hand. Beaming. The invitation had fancy envelope, a wax seal and everything. I was surprised he figured out where I saw and brought me an invitation. Silently I thought "I don't want to go." We rarely worked together on the same projects, but we had the same manager and our desks were near each other. I figured I was getting the elementary school birthday party invitation logic: if Andy was inviting anyone from team, he had to invite everyone from his team. I really couldn't say "Sorry I can't make it to your wedding six months from now. I have a haircut appointment."

I don't know why I didn't want to go other than I am a cranky old bat. I didn't want to spend six hours of a Sunday on someone a barely knew. My good friend and co-worker Tracy was also going, so I figured I'd go along.

Sunday morning before the wedding, I played pickleball, went to brunch with teammates (which was a riot), and then left at the last possible moment for me to go home, shower and change my clothes. Turnaround time from post-pickleball mess to wedding ready was thirty-four minutes.

When I got to the wedding, my co-workers Tracy, Amy and I were all plopped at a table in the back, as expected. I saw all of Andy's friends, his family, his bride's family and friends. Andy and Sasha had met at church, so half of her side and half of his side knew each other. I felt like an NPC--a non-playable character--in a video game. My role wasn't to participate or tell cute stories or even help, but simply to watch. Observe. Witness. Why did they need me there?

I knew Andy was religious, but I didn't understand the depth of his faith until I was at his wedding. Reading of his vows, Andy said he thought he would never get married, never be a father. He willingly accepted god's plan that he might always be single.

Wow.

I have to admit after sitting next to Andy for two years--not gonna lie--I thought the same thing. How is this guy ever going to get married? I couldn't imagine him on a date, but there was no way I would ever ask him about his love life. Andy is a sweet guy and couldn't be mean if he tried, but I didn't see him having any savvy with women.

The interesting thing that Andy said, given his religion and faith, was not that he prayed and prayed to get married. Instead, he said he willing accepted god's plan for him to be single. 

A week later, he met Sasha.

What I find so remarkable and heartening about Andy's story is his acceptance. A guy like him could have ended up some crazy incel, blaming women up and down for not wanting to date him. Instead, he did the opposite. He accepted his lot. He wasn't resigned or bitter or resentful. He openheartedly accepted his singleness with grace.

In the end, it was the most inspiring wedding I have ever been to. I've never been happier for someone getting married than I was for Andy.

Who knew that a heartless, cranky old NPC bat could be so moved? That faith and acceptance could be contagious?