Depressing Thought of the Day: All Marriages End Badly

When I was in graduate school, one of my classmate's father was a doctor.  I don't remember what type, but whatever he did, he had long and unpredictable hours.  I met Julie's mom at graduation.  Jack and I had just gotten married a few months earlier.  When Julie's mom heard I was marrying a doctor, she looked me straight in the eye and said without sarcasm, "Good luck," as if I were embarking on a long and dangerous journey.  I remember this vividly.  I took her warning seriously but thought I was strong enough to handle it.  It is going to be harder than you think, her stare said.  I wonder if I would give the same advice to a young person marrying a physician.  Looking back, I can see what she meant.  Love is blind, baby.  We don't see the shit until it smacks us in the face.  We don't know what problems and challenges we will face, and if as a couple we will have the tools and resources to overcome them.  Maybe, maybe not.

I wouldn't say all doctors are difficult to be married to.  Some, though, are.  I've heard horror stories about some marriages to surgeons who have long hours and an innate sense of superiority.  I've also heard of some beautiful partnerships.  I think it depends on the type of doctor and the temperament of both spouses.  And it goes both ways by gender, too.  Some women doctors are hard to be married to.  Sometimes it is the role as much as the job.  Three out of four of the people I know who held a similar position to Jack's current role have been divorced.  While the sample size is freakishly small, it is still a 75% divorce rate.

I digress.  I was thinking about this and thought that all marriages end badly, by definition.  Even in a solid and stable marriage like the one in my previous post, it ended in death of one of the people.  Beth is writing about the loss of her beloved husband and letting go.  Other marriages might end in divorce.  While divorce is sometimes a good solution to a bad problem, it is still not a pleasant experience from what I am told.  I suppose a couple could die together in a plane or car crash, but that would be a bad ending as well as the deaths would be untimely.

We all kind of know this, but we don't really say it.  We celebrate the beginning, the start.  We have the big white wedding or elope to someplace warm and tropical.  There is a multi-billion dollar industry supporting the starts of marriages, the big party at the front.  I don't know what is bigger -- the divorce industry or the wedding industry.  It would be interesting to compare notes.   I can't look at the funeral industry, because everyone gets some sort of a send off, married or not.

Nevertheless, I can't think of a case where a marriage might end well.  Some might end better than others, but still the end will always be hard, no matter what form it takes.

Just a thought.