Cheating, and Tired is Your Reward

Today, I discovered I was cheating at physical therapy. I knew I had (have, if I am honest) an issue with recruiting my other muscles instead of my quadriceps. I was doing deep squats and pulling myself up using straps attached to the ceiling. Instead of using my quads to stand, I was pulling myself us using my arms. I should have just been using the straps for balance and not using my arms to pull me up.

This was sad and so obvious that I recognized it after the fifth squat. I can see recruiting my calves and hamstrings to pull myself up, but using my arms was ridiculous. I have been rock climbing before I learned a good way to climb is use your legs to push up, not to pull yourself up using your arms. I know experienced climbers use their arms, but a beginner like me used my legs. When I was rock climbing, I avoided using my arms muscles and maximized my legs. Here, I was doing the reverse. How badly does the rest of my body not want my quads to work?

Evan, my physical therapist, always asks how I am doing. I know he is a nice guy, but that is part of his job. I complained that I was tired.

"Tired is your reward," he said.

What?

"Tired is your reward from working out," he said. "You should be tired."

Oy. I am looking forward to the day when I am not tired, when I am feeling peppy and energetic. I want to feel better after I work out, not like I've spent an hour in the Gulag. Or worse, the next day feeling like I spend the entire day before in the Gulag.

I need to get into shape. My daughter set a new goal for me: climbing down the 700 steps of the Eiffel Tower. (They don't let people climb up the Tower, but you can climb down from part of it.) Seven hundred steps is a lot. I've done it before, and it is kind of cool. The problem is I am not yet going down stairs properly where I alternate legs with each step. I've gone downstairs in physical therapy, so I must be strong enough. Confidence is my problem. I am not confident enough to alternate legs going down a regular flight of stairs. I fear if I make a mistake, I'll get hurt and set myself back. I do not want that.

I am starting to feel almost as good as I did before the surgery, which bodes well for me making my goal. I am feeling well enough that I don't believe it. I was feeling good before the surgery, and then I had the surgery and felt much worse. While I logically know I am on an upward trend, I still have this vague feeling that I will get worse.