I was sitting with the dad at the party, and somehow we started talking about food. I think we were talking about juicers and yogurt makers. Talking to a vegan about food is like being a mother of three and talking to a nun about sex. It is awkward and you have experiences that they can only imagine. Except different. Nuns and priests chose to be celibate, as vegans chose their lifestyle. The difference is that many vegans chose to be vegans after being omnivores as children.
I am not sure how the conversation came up, but I said something like "Food was different in the 70's," to which James replied, "What did you eat growing up?"
This felt like a taboo topic, but I followed his lead. What was I to stay? "I feel uncomfortable talking to you about food, but since you brought it up..." I've also heard it is rude to ask people why they eat what they eat. "Are you vegetarian because you don't like to kill animals or for health reasons?" is considered crass. Although I think there is a natural curiosity about life that get smothered because of politeness. I suppose the question about vegetarianism puts that person in an awkward spot of having to reply, "You like eating the dead carcasses of animals? Why?"
I talked about what I ate growing up. Canned corn. Canned peas. Canned green beans. Steak once a week, but cut very thin and cooked to the texture of shoe leather. Pork chops prepared the same way. Chicken and rice baked in Campbell's cream of mushroom soup. Cracklin' Oat Bran in my lunch instead of Doritos. Doritos. Ham sandwiches on white bread with mayo. Homemade pizza every Friday night.
When I got to the steak, I started to say "This wasn't a thick, juicy Delmonico cooked medium rare..." but I stopped. Yes, I like eating the dead carcasses of animals. Why? Because they are delicious.
James grew up in the midwest and ate traditional Jewish cuisine, including potato pancakes and cheese blintzes. He was his mother's helper in the kitchen and had to remove the skins from the chicken for her, which would be a seriously gross job for a kid. I agree that there are certain ways of preparing food that make one wonder why one eats meat. I never head to cut the head off a chicken that I was going to have for dinner, but my grandmother did.
James also ate pork chops growing up.
"I used to eat liverwurst sandwiches growing up," I said. "I used to like it but at times it was too rich."
"My mom used to make liver pate growing up," he said. "She would make it from goose or chicken liver. I liked it. We went on a vacation to Boston once and we each had a whole lobster," he said. "I loved it. It was delicious."
I didn't ask if he wanted to eat one again, but it was as if he were still fostering the memory, as someone might carry a torch for an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. Was he carrying a torch for lobster?
"Have you ever eaten a raw oyster?" he asked. Hmm. I wasn't sure oysters were an appropriate topic, but again, what was I to say?
"Yes," I said. "I had my first raw oyster a few years ago when Jack had a recruiting dinner for work. After that, I loved them. We went to Vancouver Island on vacation a few years ago and we ate oysters every day for a week. I only eat three at a time as an appetizer. I've never had a full dozen as a meal."
"My dad used to eat a dozen oysters for dinner," he said. "I've never eaten a raw one, but I've had them cooked." James reminded me of the Boy. The Boy has tried to eat raw oysters a couple of times, but couldn't do it. Last night at dinner, we went to a restaurant that had fried oysters. He asked if we could try them, and he ate two!
So James -- is he like a "priest" but for food? Maybe he does like seafood and meat, but has such strong self-discipline not to eat it. I have a friend who is a recovering alcoholic. The cure for alcoholism is not drinking. Is it like that?
I felt like I was crossing some boundary talking to him about food, or rather him talking to me about food. I am friends with his wife, who is also vegan. Was it wrong for him to tell me how much he liked eating a lobster? Does he like lobster in the present tense or the past tense? Did he like it, or would he still like it? Does he talk to his wife about how he likes/liked lobster? Do some vegans take a meal off and pig out on surf and turf? If a vegan were to slip, what would they eat first? Butter? Eggs? Something without a face like a mussel or an oyster but are kind of gross if you really think about it?
What would James' wife consider cheating? First, let's assume the cheating person isn't me. What if James went to dinner with another woman "platonically," but he decided to eat a lobster with her? Would that be better or worse than a romantic dinner with another woman at a restaurant where he ate the vegan meal and she ate roast chicken? While I know kissing or other outwards signs of affection would clearly be bad, would violating a chosen family bond be worse?
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