A few weeks back in Wilderness, the Boy had to go on a solo quest where he spent three days in the woods by himself. There were guides nearby, but he had to make his own fire and cook his own food.
My new manager had suggested I take a trip out of town over the Fourth of July. At first I was reluctant, and then got my act together, booked a ticket and then had a wonderful time visiting Claire-Adele and my friend Michelle in Maryland.
I've decided to take my manager's advice again--this time before he gave it to me--to get out of town again. When I visited Michelle in Maryland, she suggested I plan one out-of-town fun trip a month. This time, I will be going to my friend Ellen's cabin on Mt. Rainier for the weekend. I love her cabin and I love Mt. Rainier, but I hardly ever get the chance to visit it. Or I never make the time. Whatever. Now I am going and I am going alone.
For the past few weekends, I've been a neurotic mess, almost terrified to be alone, calling one friend after another to help me get my head on straight while Jack and I figure out plans for the Boy. The first few weeks he was in Wilderness, I was relieved and was overall in a good mood because I knew the Boy was safe and getting help. Then the protective layers of my psyche and soul began to unravel and despair began to show. This past weekend (hopefully) was the nadir, but I know grief comes in waves. After being smacked to the ground earlier this week, I am starting to feel better. In fact, I feel a lot better just because I don't feel nearly as miserable as I did on Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. Today was downright rosy compared to Monday.
When I booked Ellen's cabin, I had zero intention of going alone. I figured I'd find a friend to join me. I've been really busy with logistics for the Boy, and our family travel schedule has been unpredictable. I haven't invited anyone to join me (yet) mainly because I didn't want to invite some one and then need to bail. Our travel schedule to and from Colorado and Montana have been planned on very short notice and the odds of me needing to bail on the trip to Rainier were high.
So unless one of my five blog readers is open this weekend and wants to join me, I am going to go to Mt. Rainier on my own. Solo. If the Boy can spend three days in the woods alone, so can I.
This blog is about the little and big thoughts that pop into my head. I once read that when Flannery O'Connor walked into a bookstore, she would want to edit her published works with a red pen. In the digital world, we have the luxury of tweaking things up after we've hit the publish button. I can be a perfectionist/procrastinator, where waiting for the ideal means little gets done. Here I will share what is not--and likely will never be--perfect.
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