I can relate. I have recently had challenges at work and at home. At work, I was orphaned. The group I was part of was disbanded, my teammate was laid off, and my VP said, "We aren't a bank or Amazon. We don't need data." I felt like I was three minutes away from becoming the guy in Office Space with the red stapler whose office gets moved the basement and he stops getting paid.
And yet even though I felt like my situation at work was moving in a downward direction, I had this nagging fear that as soon as I would leave, the seas would part and there would be a great revelation and everyone would understand the need for integrated data. I fear that once I leave, everything will get better. Without me. Like my departure will be the trigger for insight and change for the better. Because of this fear that things will get better, I stick it out. I put up with tons of shit instead of reading the tea leaves that explicitly said "Get out. Run. Run fast." My soon-to-be former manager even told me to look for a new job, as in "Save yourself. The ship you are on is going down. I am doing my best to save it, but I can't." Initially, I took offense at this, but really he was telling me something I couldn't see for myself.
I have a new job starting in a week, which is a good thing, even though change is hard. But why did I want to stay with something bad because it might get better? Isn't that kind of crazy? The Germans and the Japanese* have words for everything. Maybe they have a word for "Fear that as soon as you leave a bad situation it will miraculously improve upon your departure." Why do I fear that leaving a bad situation will be worse that the bad situation in the first place?
* The Japanese work "tsundoku" means buying more books than you can read. I love it.
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