Happy Children, Part II

Lately, I've been pondering the question of happy children: is happiness a personality trait, a state of mind, or both?  I am guessing both, but I suppose a larger portion is inborn.  Mores, each person's manifestation of happiness is different.  While Winnie the Pooh and Piglet are probably close on the spectrum, could Eeyore ever be as happy as Tigger?  Each of their ideas of happiness is likely different, like colors on the Pantone color chart.  I bet Tigger's is a bright orange, while Eeyore's happy is grey.  As far as moods go, Tigger is probably happier.  On the other hand, I doubt Tigger would be happy with a popped balloon and an empty honey pot like Eeyore was.  The donkey had such low expectations that he even liked the worst birthday gifts.  He was happy that someone thought of him.

I was thinking about Eeyore and Tigger when I came across the "Editor's Note" in this month's Utne Reader (Summer 2014) which discusses the topic of why some art or music transform us.  Christian Williams quotes NPR science correspondent robert Krulwich:

"We are born with a sort of mood in us, a mood that comes to us from our genes, that will be seasoned by experience, but deep down, it's already there, looking for compnay, for someone to share itself with, and when we happen on the right piece of music, the right person, or, in this case the right artist, then, with a muscle that is as deep as ourselves, with the force of a life preserver, we attach."

This comment, albeit a non-scientific one, supports my theory.  "We are born with a mood in us..."  I look at my own two kids and see their different moods.  When my daughter was an infant, she was a fussy baby.  I wouldn't say cholic--it was more than that. This was her general way of being.  I was obsessed with figuring out why she was the way she was, and how I could help her to be more calm.  There was a high dose of self-interest here: a mellow baby is simpler to care for and tend to.  If she were happy, I wouldn't need to assess her mood before going to the grocery store.  If she were in a snit, mission aborted.  I did not have the reserve or skill set to manage a tantrum in the store.  It wasn't worth it.

The magic word during that time for me was temperament.  The best book I found was Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.  Much of this book is about how to help your child adapt to his environment to help them decrease their stress levels.  A spirited child might be like Tigger or Eeyore, with goal of helping them find a more reasonable emotional state closer to Pooh or Piglet.  Can you imagine Eeyore or Piglet stuck in Rabbit's hole for a week?  Help the mother who has to deal with that.

But temperament can evolve.  My daughter had a difficult time before she started kindergarten, was fine though elementary, and is a case study of the agrumentative and moody teen.  But will she be happy?  My guess is she will have her own version of happy, different from anyone else's, likely a rare and hidden color on the Pantone charts.  Time will tell what color her happy will be.  And like Krulwich says, may she find someone to share it.