There was an article in Sunday's Seattle Times Pacific Northwest Magazine about online dating. More than 30% of people getting married now 2005 and 2012 met online according to the article, so I can see why single are going online because everyone else is going online.
I was dating before the internet was invented, so this perplexes me. It also begs the question: What are people doing in real life (IRL)? Back when I was dating, there were lots of parties and going out in groups of people with friends of friends of friends. Church was a major meet/meat market. The St. Pat's Picnic was known to be a great place to meet your future spouse. I'd meet a guy someplace and then if he were interested in me, he would pick up the phone and ask me to lunch, dinner or a movie. What a novel idea! A guy asking a girl out. Huh. How about that? Does that happen anymore, or is there an app for it?
In fairness, I have a friend who met her husband through a personal ad in the Chicago Reader. She really loved going to folk music concerts, and it was hard in real life to find a guy that would embrace that hobby. Through the Reader, she met a guy who would not only tolerate but encourage her habit.
I can see this being one channel to meet people but where can this go wrong? The tag line of the article is "Looking for love has turned into a data-driven quest for perfection." How much are people looking for carbon copy clones of each other, trying to find a match? I can see where someone who likes their steak rare might not be the best match for a vegan, but what if the guy likes rap and the girl likes Taylor Swift? Does that mean they are ruled out of each others' lives for something so seriously trivial? Don't people want to find someone who is different just enough to make life interesting? In the Seattle Times article, one women says that she never would have met her husband online--they are too different and never would have connected. I can see if someone can't possibly tolerate someone's favorite hobby, but wouldn't it be great for a musician to take a hike in the woods or a hiker to go to the ballet? What about that old Pina Colada song, where they list a bunch of things that they find fun versus giving a dating resume?
Or what life didn't end up like the Pina Colada song? What if those of us who met IRL had to go back in time and date over the internet? Would we be with our current partner or not? Would we get the wrong kind of swipe on Tinder, or would the profile not even show up because of major difference? Jack knew what he wanted to be when he grew up when he was 15. I am 46 and still don't know what I want to do when I grow up. Had I been the type of person who had a detailed life plan, I don't think I would have found myself running for office last year, for better or worse.
And how much do people expect perfection as the tag line reads? Elle magazine a few years back published an article about a rich bachelor who had a very long, possibly impossible list of things he would like in a mate, almost down to her shoe size? Perhaps he is right to list his desires and pursue them, but might he lonely for a long time looking for a golden unicorn? Good for him if he finds her, but what if then she doesn't want a guy who is looking for a resume instead of a person?
This blog is about the little and big thoughts that pop into my head. I once read that when Flannery O'Connor walked into a bookstore, she would want to edit her published works with a red pen. In the digital world, we have the luxury of tweaking things up after we've hit the publish button. I can be a perfectionist/procrastinator, where waiting for the ideal means little gets done. Here I will share what is not--and likely will never be--perfect.
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