Jack, while he is reluctant to admit it, is a workaholic. As I have been attending Al-Anon, I've been busy trying to figure out the differences between alcoholism and workaholism.
What are the differences?
The short answer is vomit. Alcoholism has it. Workaholism does not.
The long answer is more complicated.
"By the time I was ready to divorce him, I found him repulsive," said more than one friend who was married to an alcoholic. In some cases with alcoholism there are job or money problems. Other cases, there is lying or abusive behavior. Sometimes there are chronic or major health issues. Sometimes there is socially embarrassing behavior, like have to deal with a drunk spouse in public.
A therapist told me any thing you do to avoid your feelings is an addiction, therefore working too much can be an addiction. Workaholism has fewer negative or disruptive downsides to it compared to other addictions, but there are two main similarities: both alcoholics and workaholics lose themselves in their addiction, and their families are negatively impacted.
The upside of workaholism is financial success and security, even though the person working those long, obsessive hours might not feel secure. They may live in fear of losing their job.
Most alcoholics have periods of sobriety. Some workaholics do not. If they are continually thinking about work when they are not working, then they are not "sober." The family is impacted by their emotional unavailability.
Jack, like other workaholics, has a respectable job and is admired at work by his colleagues. His work brings him a sense of accomplishment and meaning, which makes it harder for him to recognize the negative parts of his relationship to his job.
The insidious parts of workaholism are the upsides. It isn't as ugly as alcoholism. The drunk can realize they are tired of waking up in a pool of their own vomit and decide to change. For a workaholic, instead of waking up in a pool of puke, they and their family gets a nice paycheck. The workaholic isn't going to want to give up the success, money and praise. Why should they? Instead of being embarrassed by drunken behavior, the family can bask in the reflected glow of the workaholic's success.
The cost of the workaholism is still high: Loneliness for both the workaholic and the family. The family suffers from not having an emotionally present partner or parent, and the workaholic misses the connection of family.
This blog is about the little and big thoughts that pop into my head. I once read that when Flannery O'Connor walked into a bookstore, she would want to edit her published works with a red pen. In the digital world, we have the luxury of tweaking things up after we've hit the publish button. I can be a perfectionist/procrastinator, where waiting for the ideal means little gets done. Here I will share what is not--and likely will never be--perfect.
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