Before Gladwell digs into Stanford rape case from a few years ago, he discusses what it means to be drunk. There is blackout drunk, usually at .15 blood alcohol content or above, where the drinker doesn't remember what happened. Sometimes, the drinker might appear to be awake--walking, talking, and--god forbid--driving. Can someone give consent when they are blacked out drunk? No.
Why do we drink? What happens before we blackout?
According to Gladwell, we become myopic or nearsighted when we drink. We see what is in front of us, not everything else around us. The rest of our life fades in the fog. If we are drunk with our friends, we focus on our friends and forget about work. If we are drunk with work colleagues, we forget about our family.
Lots of things can make us "myopic," for better or worse. A relaxing (or busy) vacation can make us forget the stress of our job. A walk through nature can help us meditate and put on problems in perspective.
Likewise, we can use maladaptive coping mechanisms to avoid looking at the larger picture of our lives. The Boy used to ski to block everything else out, like that he was too anxious to go to school. Jack used to work too much to block out the Boy's problems. (Claire-Adele escaped the shit-show of our family by going to college.)
What did I do? Hello, co-dependence! I focused on everyone else except me.
Here is a picture of my life:
Here is a picture of my life when it became unmanageable. See the Drama swirling in the corner?
See Drama now all blown up and out-of-proportion? It is the only thing I could focus on. My dear friends supported me during this hideous time between when the Boy stopped going to school in December 2018 to when he settled into treatment in November of 2019.
Slowly, I am learning to get out of the swirl of drama, not to be captivated by it. I am learning to have perspective.
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