The Boy was in his therapy session and one of his therapists said "Aggression and assertion as the same thing. They come from the same place."
When I heard this, I was like "Hold the phone. That's not right. Or true."
Aggressive is mean and violent. Assertive is strong and confident. Hitler was aggressive when he invaded Poland. I am assertive when I told my manager I want a raise.
Right?
The more I think about it, the more I think the Boy's therapist might be on to something. Hitler wanted to claim Poland under Germany. I wanted more money. We both wanted something, and we turned that desire into action--Hitler with tanks, me with a polite request.
What is the difference? Am I being aggressive? Was Hitler being assertive?
If I were to call my manager and say "Hey $@%@#, give me a raise or else I'll quit," that might be considered aggressive. If Hitler called the President of Poland and politely said, "I think we will make a good team and our countries would be stronger together," that might be considered assertive.
So, are assertive and aggressive simply in the eye of the beholder, in the eye of the person who is being asked to provide what the other person wants? Perhaps, but in polite society, we have norms where we expect people to behave in a certain way. In some cultures, women aren't expected to ask for a raise or ask to be fairly compensated. In these cases, women asking for equal pay (or equal rights or the right to vote) might be considered "aggressive" by those in power who don't want to give them what they desire.
We ourselves might have a difficult time asking for what we want, and we might perceive ourselves as being aggressive, when we really are being assertive.
Interesting conversation, nevertheless.
In other news, I've been trying to read the newspapers lately instead of skimming the headlines. I've been trying to find other stories to read about other than politics, racism and wildfires.
There is no good news.
None.
Last week, I read a story in the New York Times about some political donor in West Hollywood, California who would "slam" gay Black men with meth and watched them die. I'll skip giving you the link. I couldn't finish the article. This morning, I read about some nefarious, cult-like brainwashing of an eBay employees. So I called a friend to cheer myself up, when in fact I listened to her bitch and piss and moan about the state of the world. She is actually delightful, so I didn't mind listening to her bitch and piss and moan. I felt less alone.
Given the past week of rain (everyone was a little overzealous in their prayers for rain to clear the smoke as we had a week of down pouring), I needed some sun so I went to Kerry Park on Queen Anne. I had never been to Kerry Park in the sixteen years I've lived in Seattle. The view was breathtaking. I've seen lots of views of the Space Needle and Rainier, but this had it all in one shot. I sat on a bench and read for an hour in the sun, occasionally peeking up for a look at Mt. Rainier.
Later while I was making dinner, the Boy called, and we talked for an hour and a half, which was nice.
After the call, I watched the first half Enola Holmes, the story of Sherlock Holmes younger sister starring Millie Bobbie Brown from Stranger Things and Helena Bonham Carter whom I'd watch read the dictionary.
This show is the balm for all that is wrong with the world right now. Millie gets a role where she actually gets to talk! Helena Bonham Carter plays an awesome, creative, feisty, loving, badass mom, the mother I wish I was. There are cinematic statistics that measure the amount women talk about romantic relationships with men in movies, and other statistic that measures who gets the most dialogue--men or women. In the first twenty minutes, I thought the movie was odd and then I realized the dialogue was mostly from Enola and her mom talking. So refreshing. So, so, so refreshing.
Enola and her mom were talking. Her mother says, "The future is up to us. There are two paths. You can choose to take yours, or the path others choose for you."
A beautiful thought to end a beautiful day.
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