Dear Laurie,*
Here are some thoughts based on the past few days. Please take care of yourself.
Love,
me
What I wish: I wish I was born a man so I would not have the responsibility of raising children. I wish I was a man because men rule the world and women ask permission.
Do I have the power to change this: No.
What I have instead: I am a woman. I have a womb and I have carried children. I have a tribe of wonderful women friends. Men aren't so lucky.
What I wish: I wish Ada hadn’t died. I had beautiful baby girl who died and robbed my innocence.
Do I have the power to change this: No.
What I have instead: I have two wonderful children who are smart and passionate and challenging and stubborn and alive.
What I wish: I wish my brother was sane and did not have schizophrenia.
Do I have the power to change this: No.
What I have instead: A great sense of empathy for all people, including myself. I used to be the golden girl: smart and fun. Then tragedy after tragedy came. I have dear and loyal friends. Bad things happen, no matter how hard we try to be good. A loyal and supportive spouse and friends helped me through difficult times.
What I wish: I wish I had a husband who put his family before his job.
Do I have the power to change this: I do not have the power to change Jack. I do have the power to make a decision and take control over my life, either with or without him. I can determine what I need, tell him, and see if he is willing and capable of change.
What I have instead: A husband who has made his job and work a priority over his family for the past few years. I have been impacted by his workaholism, as I have single handedly taken care of the kid while he works. I need to move forward on my own life while I am waiting for him to pull his head out of his tuckus.
* Laurie is my childhood nickname. Jack, my parents, high school friends, and a few college friends call me Laurie. My given name is Lauren, and I started using it in my sophomore year of college.
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