The Eighth Day

On the eighth day, God created New Zealand.  After resting on the seventh, she decided to have fun and make a place using all of her favorite things: mountains, lakes, rolling plains, beaches, fjords, islands, trees and birds.

"I like people and all," she thought, "but it think it would be nice to leave this place unpopulated and unspoiled for a long time.  I'll make it far away from the larger continents.  When things get a bit messed up everywhere else, people can escape there.

"I'll make it relatively small compared to other places.  North America has so many of these things like mountains, beaches and rolling countryside, but they are so spread apart.  New Zealand will be small and cozy and everything will be close together.  I don't have room for mesas and deserts like the southwest, but oh well.  Australia has plenty of that type of geography.  (Sorry about, Aussies.  I went a wee bit overboard on the deserts.  My bad.)

"Let's make it safe for all kinds of birds," she thought.  "I love birds.  This place will need some music and there won't be any people here for 80 million years.  Penguins are adorable, and those kiwis need a place to rest.  Parrots?  Of course!  I wonder how big a bird could get without any predators...  Emus and moas.  Hmmm.  What about that Haast's eagle with a 2.5 meter wingspan?  It might be overkill, but hey.  It really isn't an eagle as much as a underdeveloped velociraptor.  Yes, it is a badass.  That is why I didn't put people on NZ to start.  That would have been mean to have them live with the Haast's eagle flying overhead.  Too bad the Haast's eagle and the moas went extinct in the 1600s.

Moa bones found in a cave.

"Lakes, rivers and waterfalls, those are all good.  I like those fiords in Scandinavia.  I'll add some of those.  Beaches are always good, too.  I did a nice job with Maui.

"I don't have room for Mammoth Cave, but I've give them small caves with glowworms for an extra treat.

(Caves are really hard to photograph.)

"I like some plains and rolling hills, but I also love mountains.  Green and blue are a great color combo -- white fluffy clouds are a nice accent.

"And for those creationists out there, I'll leave them the missing link between dinosaurs and reptiles, the tuatara.  By time they find it, the tuatara will be 235 million years old.  They were around during the late Triassic period along with the early tyrannosaurus, allosaurus, and velociraptor.  Man, I loved those dinosaurs.  I did such a great job on them.  Fucking meteorite.

Isn't it cute?

"And what is up with people thinking I created the world in seven days?  That is a metaphor, people.  Do they really think I can work that fast?  Seriously.  Do you know how long it takes to make a dinosaur, and then to have to start over with mammals, moving the continents around, ice ages, climate change and whatnot?  Really.

"Okay, maybe I was really hoping to get my dinosaurs to come back, re-evolve, you know?  They needed a quiet, faraway place.  Oh well.  Maybe next time.

"In the meantime, New Zealand is a nice place for people to visit."