A Tortoise in Hare Land

I went to the luncheon yesterday. It was good to get out of the house, but then once I was out of the house, I felt like I didn't have much to say. I know what you are thinking: Lauren, you not have much to say? Please. I felt like I was a kid who finally got to sit at the grown-up table after weeks of begging, and when I got there everyone there spoke another language. This has nothing to do with the people who were there with me. It was me--I had a hard time making small talk when my main focus for the past three months has been my knee, Netflix and jigsaw puzzles.

Me: Hey, did you see the New York Times crossword puzzle last Sunday? Super clever with the Shakespeare theme on the 400th anniversary of his death!

Normal Person: Um, no, I was out biking because it was gorgeous outside.

Actually, I can't remember the weather Sunday because I was inside all day. It might have been nice. It might have been terrible. Oh wait. It was super terrible. We had a massive windstorm and our power was out for 15 hours. Clare Adele had a piano lesson by flashlight.

Me: Our power went out last Sunday for 15 hours.  I had to dig up a bunch of candles and find the flashlights before it got dark. Thank goodness for Daylight Savings Time! You?

Normal Person: Oh yeah. I forget about that. Where is the bathroom?

Me: My daughter used to really be into painting her nails, and has thirty bottles of nail polish. I've been painting my nails a different color every few days. Last week, I painted them a green that looked like Daiquiri Ice ice cream. This pink looks like Marilyn Monroe's dress from Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. I had to watch it three times in college for a paper for film class. my roommate wanted to kill me because I kept singing "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend."*

Normal Person: [Left at "thirty bottles of nail polish.]

I am an intellectual tortoise in hare-land. I was at the dentist today, and fortunately the opportunities for conversation are limited when my teeth were being cleaned. I avoided having to bore anyone with my completely uninteresting life. One of the assistants there had torn his ACL. He commented that I was in good spirits.

"I was really depressed," he said.

"You are seeing me out and about," I said. "I am glad not to be at home." I don't dislike the dentist, but I usually view it as more of a chore. Today it was my big adventure. He knew what I was talking about. His comment also gave me a good perspective--it is kind of normal to be depressed when you are incapacitated. Sure there are ways to get out of the slump (see comments from two days ago from Evan), but for a typical person who is used to be active and independent, it can be rough.

I am also physically a tortoise, which totally sucks. At the luncheon yesterday, I was hobbling around on my crutches. I was almost plowed over by a couple of hares by the elevator bank. They were zipping around the corner, expecting other people to be moving at the same rate. Then they almost ran into me. I didn't zip or zag, I just plodded along, and they have to move to avoid me. My crutches are my blinking neon sign that screams I am a tortoise. I was walking out with my friends, and they were walking at normal human pace whereas I was walking at tortoise pace. Jack and I went to the ballet dress rehearsal last night. We were lucky to get there fifteen minutes early, because it took longer for me to hobble to our seats. After the rehearsal, we walked a few blocks to dinner. I got there in five minutes. Just kidding! It took me twenty minutes to walk 0.2 miles.

Slow and steady seems to be serving me well. Today my left leg made it around an entire circle on the stationary bike! Yay! This is big news! I did my ninety leg lifts, and I have permission not to wear the brace anymore. This was the first big milestone for my recovery. At this rate, I'll be back in hare land by November.

Picture of a tortoise from Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tortoise

* Here is your ear worm for the next week.