It was lovely.
Life here has been super hectic and I hadn't had the chance to talk to her in a while, which was a drag. The Boy's work at the boarding school has gotten deep, so it harder for him and harder for me. Claire-Adele, on the other hand, is doing fine. I ran into an old friend at Bartell's while I was waiting for a flu shot. She has fraternal twins. Her son is having problems and her daughter is like Claire-Adele: hard-working, ambitious, and organized.
"They grew up in the exact same environment," said Rachel. "Everything was the same, so how did one end up fine and the other not? And how can any of it be my fault?"
I wonder how much of the Boy's situation is my fault and then I think of Claire-Adele. She turned out fine, maybe in spite of me. Like I can't take blame for the Boy, I can't take credit for Claire-Adele. The Boy has helped prove me humble enough to accept that.
Claire-Adele was in a confident and cheerful mood. She has interesting conflicts in her life, like should she go to the make-up class her History of Politics professor rescheduled or should she go to the CNN Town Hall to see Nancy Pelosi speak? (Answer: Skip class.)
I found out that three of her favorite movies are Casablanca with Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman (Claire-Adele has seen is five times, a movie that is well worth multiple viewings), Rear Window with Jimmy Stewart and Grace Kelly, and Roman Holiday with Gregory Peck and Audrey Hepburn.
"I watched Roman Holiday while I was in labor with you," I told her. "It is one of my favorite movies." She was surprised that she never knew that. I am surprised I never told her.
I am so looking forward to her upcoming visit this week. This Thanksgiving will be completely different from last year, which was a shit show. Claire-Adele was stressed about her first semester at college and the Boy was struggling with school. They were both short fused, which was not good.
This week at my Al-Anon meeting, we had to write about emotional sobriety and how was plan to practice that over the upcoming holiday. Emotional sobriety is about dealing with negative emotions that were ignored while a person was drinking or using drugs. In my case, I have to deal with the negative emotions I has ignoring while I was getting the Boy into treatment, plus ignoring the toxic behavior I felt from my husband.
As other people shared, I realized I had not emotionally prepared for the Boy staying in Montana over Thanksgiving. I was at a wedding on Friday night and the bride asked about the Boy, assuming I would see him over Thanksgiving. I must have stumbled over my answer because my friend came to my rescue and chimed in for me.
"No," said my friend. "They won't send him home this early. He might not want to go back to school if he goes home now." She was right.
I started to think about this Thanksgiving. This is the first major holiday since Jack and I have been separated. This is the first major holiday since the Boy has been away. I thought about the three A's for dealing with challenging thoughts:
- Acknowledge
- Accept
- Action
I can acknowledge that this holiday will be harder than most because the Boy will be gone. I can grieve his departure, but I can also accept that he is in Montana getting the help I can't provide. What action can I take? I can look forward to spending time with Claire-Adele. Jack is working the holiday, so I will have Claire-Adele all to myself. We can bake. We can watch old movies. We can shop and go to museums. I can hear more about her college adventures and who she wants to vote for for President.
And I can be thankful for that.
No comments:
Post a Comment