My last blog drifted away from its title, "Cramming or Comedy." My initial thought was to write about how I feel like I have to cram to get ready for Pedro to come back to Seattle, to finish reading all of the books I bought about how to deal with your anxious and depressed teen, like this one.
This weekend, I invited myself to my friend Anneliese's beach house on the ocean for the weekend, which is the perfect escape I need before going to Montana. This past week at work, I was struggling. The background music in my mind--tracks about Pedro returning home--were playing at full volume. I didn't have the bandwidth to deal with the regular crap of daily life. Friday, I was so wound up I wasn't fit to be around other people. I needed to turn that down that soundtrack and take a break.
This was a good break. Walking along the ocean and being miles and miles from everything and everyone was healing and restorative, necessary before I embark on the transition of bringing Pedro home before he goes to college. I read somewhere that watching waves of the ocean is like meditating. It calms our minds just by being the ocean.
But what and where is his home? His current home is Montana. He's lived with the same guys for two years. He loves the land, the rivers, the mountains. I know he will miss Montana, and I am glad he will.
We miss what we love.
I know Pedro has grown, as have I. I have learned more about myself in these past two years than I have at any other point. It was painful at times, but that is okay. The capacity to feel is the capacity to feel. I don't want to be numb again. Feeling pain and sadness and sorrow also means I can feel joy and happiness and serenity.
I don't need to cram to feel that. I need to chill.
No comments:
Post a Comment