Important and Help

Last week for the first time in ages, my husband made me feel important. Last Wednesday, the evening was scheduled to be a nightmare: four people in our family had six different places they needed to be. I had a PTSA General Meeting scheduled for Wednesday night, which had been on the calendar for a few weeks. I am the President, so I couldn't bail unless there were a bona fide emergency. Jack was double booked with a night of call and interview of a potential hire over dinner.  Jack had moved the call to go to dinner, but our usual sitters were unavailable. The Boy has Rocket Club and soccer practice, and the Big E had a Cross Country potluck dinner the night before the meet. Leaving the kids home alone to settle down, finish homework and get to bed on a school night was not possible.

In the recent past, Jack did not help much around the home. As someone on Huffington Post wrote, there is usually a Default Parent in each couple who takes care of all things kids. That would be me. I also take care of almost all things house. I was talking to a friend about some gardening that needed to be done, and she recommended Jack and I hire someone to help around the house. Which is a reasonable solution. Sometimes. Except it is all of the little crap I need help with, like filling the cars with gasoline. Jack never does this. When one car runs out, he just takes the other one. Unless I hired a butler, I don't think I can pay someone to fill my car with gas. (I wonder what really rich people do about this. Does Bill Gates fill his own gas tank?  Seriously.)

The night before Jack's scheduled dinner, he started to panic. He said he could skip the dinner, so I took him at his word. Very often when we are less than 24 hours from an event without a sitter, a miracle occurs and a babysitter appears out of thin air. What looks like a miracle to the uninformed is me making a thousand phone calls, tapping into friends and asking for huge favors. This time I didn't.  Around 9:00 p.m., Jack resigned himself to not attending the dinner. He emailed his colleagues and asked if one of them could step in and help. His Admin had figured this out earlier in the day, and had emailed Jack's team herself. Someone had already volunteered, and he didn't even know.

I went to my meeting, and Jack took the Big E to her dinner. He picked the Boy up from soccer, swung by the PTSA meeting-book fair-bake sale, picked up the Big E after her dinner, and then ordered Thai food for the rest of us.

This was the first time that Jack has made me feel important in a really long time. Thinking about it is bittersweet. I was happy that he put me first for a change. The downside was thinking about the past.  The old Jack would have gone to dinner and left me to fend for myself. Or, he would have complained that I made him cancel his meeting. I didn't realize how much help I need, and how nice it is to be taken care of.