Birds of Feather

I now understand why doctors marry doctors.  Before I explain, here is my unscientific study of who doctors marry:

a.  Other doctors
b.  Nurses
c.  Women's whose beauty and cheerfulness are several standard deviations above the mean
d.  Other

I wonder what the real data is, or if anyone has collected it.  I do know that doctors have one of the higher divorce rates when analyzed by profession.  Politicians, firefighters and taxi cab drivers were on one list, the reason being is they spend too much time away from home to sustain a marriage.

I digress.  In the medical marriage that I am in, I fall into category d) Other.  I am not a doctor, nurse, or beauty queen.  I am Other.

(Warning: I do not know where this blog post is going to go.  It might not have a neat or tidy ending.  Likely, it will end in confusion.)

What does that mean?  Jack has a colleague who is a lesbian.  The wife is non-medical, had a good job, supported her spouse through medical school and training, and is now a stay-at-home mom.  I am most like the woman who is a lesbian's wife.

Jack and I met in college, before he started medical school.  He was in an honors program where he was accepted into medical school right out of high school.  This is a big deal.  It is a super competitive program.  Why did Jack like me?  I was the first person who could tell him like it is and he loved me for it.  I was able to see him as just a guy instead of a guy with an impressive C.V..  He said he liked me because I wasn't a jock.  What would happen if I was just his training buddy and then one of us got hurt?  We both liked to bike, but that was not the glue that held us together.  He liked that I wasn't in medicine because he wanted to talk about something other than shop.

 The other thing I think he liked about me was that I was in a selective major in college.  While I wasn't a doc, I had something else going on.  Which is fine and good.

So, what happens when years later, he become obsessed with work, a workaholic who has no interests, friends or activities outside of work?  When almost all of his waking hours are spent on work?  I can see why doctors marry other doctors or nurses.  Birds of a feather flock together.  The workplace is full of other like-minded individuals who are also working too many hours.  I not part of  his work environment.  He was stressed and challenged, and thought he could manage it all by himself.  He couldn't. He thought he could fix it by working even harder.  He thought working harder would mean he would have more time in the future and my loneliness would be abated.  It wasn't.  He just turned further away.