Getting to Know You, Middle Talk and Shrimp de Jonghe

I love the movie The King and I.  (My favorite scene is "Shall We Dance," which is now on YouTube thanks to Rodgers & Hammerstein making their work publicly available on the internet.) As Jack and I are working to come back together, I am reminded of the song "Getting to Know You" from the musical.

I think this "getting to know you" is going to be harder than I thought.  I thought we could just pick up where we left off, but I am learning that is not the case.  We can be kind and civil to each other.  We can spend the day peacefully playing miniature golf with the boy or going to dinner with the kids.    Small talk isn't a problem.  The large conversation about how this disaster in our marriage occurred happens regularly.  Sometimes peacefully.  Sometimes not.

But what about the middle talk, the conversations that for the past three or more years I have been saving for my girlfriends?  The ones where I try to figure out what to do with the rest of my life, or sort through a challenging problem.  I don't feel safe yet to talk about these things.

Jack and I made Shrimp de Jonghe last night for dinner, which is shrimp baked in butter, garlic, wine and creed crumbs.  I had this for dinner on our third (or so) date.  The second date we went to the Davis Street Fish Market in Evanston.  It was a double date.  My roommate joined Jack's roommate.  The Davis Street Fish Market was a fancy place for kids on a college budget, and I was looking forward to the evening.  My roommate didn't like seafood.  She didn't want to seem high maintenance to this guy, so she asked me to tell Jack I didn't like seafood.   Jack and I were on reasonable footing, so I agreed.  A week or so later, we were at The Keg, an Evanston steakhouse.  I had been there before, so I ordered the Shrimp de Jonghe again.  Jack was surprised.

"This is my favorite dish!" I said.

"I thought you didn't like seafood," he asked delicately.

"Oh, that," I said.  I explained that my roommate didn't want to have to tell her date she didn't like seafood, but I was cool with it.  I knew my roommate really liked this guy, so I was willing to take it for the team.  Jack and I then had a little secret.  He knew I was good friend to help my roommate get in the good graces of this guy.

Will we get back to those days of easy, free-flowing open conversation, where I am not afraid to tell him what I think?  Back then, I didn't have any secrets or worries or fears that I was afraid to share with the world.  Now, life is so much more complicated.