Maria v. James

My in-laws were in town for Thanksgiving this past weekend, and as such, we made plans for various types of entertainment.  On Friday night, we went to the 5th Avenue to see The Sound of Music and Saturday afternoon, we went to see the new James Bond movie, Spectre.

Given the challenges in my marriage over the past year and a half, I am not a big fan of romance movies, books or musicals.  I might make an exception for Pride and Prejudice.  Elizabeth Bennett will always be awesomely intelligent and strong, and Darcy will always be charmingly difficult, but I digress.

This version of The Sound of Music has more songs than the movie, as well as a more developed Baroness Elsa Schraeder.  In the movie, she is a wealthy widow.  In the play, she is still a widow, but also president of her own corporation, running the family firm.  In some ways, I feel more like Baroness Schraeder than Maria: older, in control of money, a realist instead of an idealist* and slightly bitchy, but in a good way.

I am also slightly cynical about equating marriage with love, and see "happily ever after" as a load of bullshit.  I see it now more as a legal union, protecting both parties of their rights to property.  I see Jack's behavior last year, and see this:

I found this on this blog: http://oh-elsa-darling.tumblr.com

This quote is so true, except men don't get it, especially when a young woman is fawning over them.  As Elsa implies, it is hard for a man to be immune to such behavior.  Of course, not all men love all women, other there would never be the reality of women waiting by the phone for a guy to call.  Thank goodness for cellphones in this modern era!  Now girls can be out on the town with friends instead of waiting by the phone on a Saturday night! Bravo! I digress.

So we go to to the James Bond movie, which I was very excited to see. I think Daniel Craig is the perfect Bond, and he is exceptionally hot for a guy of 47.  Skip the age.  He is hot, full stop.  He is so hot that he made Ralph Fiennes who is 52 and plays M look like a toad, and I adore Ralph Fiennes.  To be clear, I am talking about Ralph Fiennes from The Constant Gardener, not Voldemort.  Seriously, Fiennes looked horrible compared Craig.  Fiennes is balding, and his nose looked huge.  I think the director uglied him up on purpose.  Daniel Craig is the bride, and Fiennes is a bridesmaid.  M can't be the hottest guy in the film--that would be not good for the Bond franchise.

After the Bond movie, my son asked, "What happened to the woman in the first scene of the movie?" Very good question for a 12 year old boy, and also the whole point of James Bond.  Therein lies the difference between men and women.

Women want happily ever after, and men want a different chick for every night of the week.  Generally men cringe at the thought of watching a romantic comedy and women grit their teeth through action flicks.

But here I am in middle age, preferring the Bond movie to Julie Andrews. I never thought I'd live to see the day.  When I was in high school I thought Bond movies were stupid, boring, sexist and completely unrealistic.  Now, it was nice to see a delicious piece of middle-aged man eye-candy for two hours. And yes, it is more realistic that men are tempted by many of the women they meet.  In Bond's case, it is all of the uber-hot, smart, in danger and/or dangerous women who cross his path.  We don't see him cavorting with the chick selling him a latte.  Maybe the latte chick is hot, but she is likely not dangerous.

Interestingly, Bond has put Jack on alert.  He is now looking at Bond's clothes and deciding he wants taper legged pants.  He is convinced the Craig is hotter than he is.  Seriously. How vain is that? Oh no! A Hollywood movie star is hotter than me!  WTF? Do I bemoan that 100% of the women in Hollywood are hotter than I am? No. That would be like comparing a preschool painting to the Mona Lisa, or a third grader playing the recorder to Miles Davis.  Just don't.  It isn't fair.

So back to James v. Maria.  Bond wins.  Fifty years later, Bond is making new films, chasing new criminals and new skirts.  What is Maria doing? She is singing same songs she has been singing for fifty years. Why don't we catch-up with the Von Trapps at their new home in Vermont, and see a musical about how their marriage is going along?  Why don't we check in on Elizabeth and Darcy?  Because we know better.  See Mr. and Mrs. Bennett.  I am sure they were happy and in love once, too.

* This applies to some areas, not others.  I would like to think that if I were in Austria in the 1930's, I would have stood up to the Nazi's, but history hadn't fully played out by then.  Those people couldn't look into a crystal ball and see the future horrors.