I saw on Facebook that a friend of mine's daughter was stuck in the basement so she painted the walls with all kinds of little pictures. It was really cool. I am painting my walls, but all one color. In Seattle, we had a gradual clamp down: first Microsoft and Amazon started working from home, then the governor canceled all events with more than 250 people, then the restaurants and bars closed down. I missed a UW Drama performance, the Pacific Northwest Ballet, and a Sounders game. I figure I missed being in close proximity to several thousand people, and they I.
Somewhere between canceling events with 250 people and restaurants shutting down, I went to the hardware store (I love you, Hero Ace Hardware on 4th) and bought paint for the bedroom and landing.
I really love this purple. I am surprised I picked it because usually I go for safe and neutral colors, like beige or yellow. I might go wild and pick a light green or light blue. These colors are tapping into my inner twelve year girl. I don't know if I would like picked these colors when I was twelve, but these colors make me unbashedly happy. I smile when I wake up and see the lavender wall.
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I also bought a mixer in case Claire-Adele comes home. Right now, she is going to stay at her apartment on the east coast. She has been watching "The Great British Bake Off" and what she most misses is the Kitchen Aid.
Bright colors seem fitting for the end of the world.
But is is really the end of the world? I heard a prayer from a friend the other day that there have always been tough times, but we need to look at what these times give us: patience, courage, faith. We learn new capabilities, like the ability to mourn, and we learn how much we need one and other. That was so nice to hear. I really needed that.
This time alone has really been testing my emotional sobriety. I've been in Al-Anon for a few months, and I have been doing quite well and feeling a lot better. Part of that is because I have found community, and that is gone. My community at work is different. I miss getting coffee and going to lunch with my co-workers, probably the best part of my workday.
Aside from the loneliness and isolation, I am discovering another unpleasant feeling: fear. I am afraid of myself, that I am carrying this virus asymptomatically. I wonder if other people are afraid of me. I am not used to fear. I fear myself more than I fear the virus and other people. When I was walking the dog, I saw a few other people. I wonder if the people in my condo building would freak out if I became the first resident to contract Covid. Would I be shunned? Will people secretly wonder if I washed my hands enough, covered my cough? Did I touch my face and then touch a doorknob?
I don't know how long this is going to last, or what havoc this will play on the medical system. Would this disease greatly exceed the capacity of our current health care system? Maybe, but is that such a bad thing relative to social distancing? While I am all in favor of keeping people healthy, how long can this last?
Here is a horrible thought: I am thinking about the greater economy. (There is a nice article from the New York Times here.) What will happen to the 13.8 million people working in the restaurant, transportation, lodging, and entertainment industries who are now out of work for a few weeks? I am guessing many of these people live paycheck-to-paycheck. What happens when they can't pay their rent or buy food? The rest of the economy suffers. And I am not talking about the Dow Jones Industrial Average--the stock market is only one part of the economy, but other parts are about jobs for everybody. How can we support these workers and the people who at risk of getting sick? How can we better manage the capacity of our healthcare system?
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